Dancing On Ice

Happy-Sappy

Austin's POV
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The Sun outside was going down, but that was fine with me. Sitting across from Kellin, we talked about stuff and argued over which vegetable wad better. Both of us not even bothering to ask or speak of what was really going on.
"C'mon, carrots are the shit." I argued. He rolled his eyes at me.
"Sure. But you somehow don't like peas. So your argument is invalid." He argued back, his tone light.
"But you don't like broccoli. Making your argument invalid."
"Oh, so then who's right?"
"Neither of us." I grinned at him. "C'mere." He stood up from his seat and came over to me. I tapped my lap, silently telling him to sit there. He hesitated but sat down anyway. He must've known what I wanted, because he leaned down and softly kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his small waist, pulling him closer to me. He giggled a little and kissed me once more.
"Aus, isn't it late?" Kel asked me. I looked up at him.
"Trying to get rid of me?" I joked. He shook his head.
"No, no, I just don't want you to get in trouble because of me." He told me.
"I know, but it's okay." I assured him. I actually had to look up at him slightly, to see his face. I glanced out the window closest to us. The whole world outside was a bright, golden orange-yellow. It had to be about five. I knew that once I got home, I'd have to return back to my actual life, and that meant that I'd have to return back to the mess that had encompassed my mind. Kells slid off of my lap and took both of our plates over to the sink. He rinsed them and I stood from the table. I went over to where I'd dropped my bookbag earlier. I unzipped my bag and sifted through it, searching for my agenda, to tell me what I had for homework. I still had to work on that PowerPoint for English. "Hey, Kells?"
"Hm?" He called to me from the kitchen, I could see him stacking dishes up, organizing the mess.
"Um, did you and Alan talk about the English project?" I asked him cautiously.
"Yeah. A little." He came over to me, and sat on the floor, criss-cross. "Do you have homework?"
"Yeah, a little. I can do it all in an hour though." We both fell silent for a minute, when Kellin spoke suddenly.
"Why did you come over today?" His words shocked me a little. I closed my agenda and looked into his eyes.
"Because, Kel, I wanted to see you." I told him honestly. He looked down for a second, a small smile forming on his lips.
"Thank you."
"No problem." I zipped up my bookbag and stood. I helped Kellin up and pulled him to me. "I'm gonna go ahead and go. But I'll see you-"
"Tomorrow." He finished for me. I leaned down and kissed him slowly, our lips moving against each other in the most tender way.
"Night, Kells, sleep tight, okay?" I breathed against his lips. He nodded.
"Mhm, night, Aus." He whispered back. I smiled and broke apart from him. I walked to the front door and opened it myself, stepping out into the early evening world.

I didn't go straight home. I went to Alan's house after I'd left Kellin's. The walk to his house wasn't even that far from Kellin's. I wasn't sure where Kellin and I even stood. But that didn't matter. I liked him a lot, and Alan needed to respect that. Plus, I was curious as to how he was. I knocked on the door, and awaited someone to answer it.
"Hey, Austin, how're you?" Mrs. Ashby beamed at me as she opened the door for me. I beamed back at her.
"I'm great, Mrs. Ashby. And you?" I asked politely. She opened the door wider for me and I stepped inside.
"Wonderful. Alan's in his room, dear." She told me as she went back into the kitchen. The smell of garlic wafting through the air. I thanked her and went into Alan's room.
"Please, tell me you're clothed." I teased as I pushed open the door. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. Alan glared at me from his bed.
"Why the fuck are you here? Why aren't you with your boyfriend?" Alan snarled at me.
"Hey, hey, dude, don't attack me." I said going over to him. "How ya feeling?"
"You don't care." Despite his harsh tone, he still scooted over so I could sit on his bed.
"I wouldn't ask if I didn't. Dude, we're still friends, Alan." I told him. He sighed.
"You don't quite get it, do you? I still love you, and you just fucking spit all over that, as if you didn't care. Like you never did. So go to your fucking boyfriend. I hope that black eye I gave him still stings."
"Alan. Stop. One, don't fucking talk about Kellin like that. Okay? Second, I do love you, like a brother, nothing more. I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way about you. I do care about you, you should never think that I don't. Third, are you forgetting that you have a black eye as well?" I was a bit irritated with his attitude.
"So he is your boyfriend then?"
"Shut the fuck up, Alan. Honestly." I sighed heavily. "Listen, I can't just love you back the way you love me. I can't. You deserve someone who does."
"Don't give me that bullshit that I deserve someone better. You moved on, that's fine, I don't care. But you can't just expect me to have moved on at the same pace you have."
"You're right. I haven't assumed that. But I can't just continue on acting like you didn't hurt Kellin and walking on eggshells around you."
"Oh, is the ex too much trouble for the always-happy-sappy Austin fucking Carlile?"
"Alan, I want to work this out, but you're being an asshole right now."
"I thought I was always an asshole."
"No, you're not." I ran a hand through my hair and stood. "I'm leaving. I see that we can't seem to reach an agreement on anything. Or even just talk." I went to the door but turned back to look at my best friend. He was still glaring at me. But no matter what, he'd be my best friend. He'd been there-though he didn't know everything- when I needed someone. "And one more thing, Alan, I love you like a brother, but, don't you dare ever hurt Kellin ever again." I left his room, closing the door softly behind me. I said goodbye to Mrs. Ashby and made my way home. I felt awful for what I said to Alan, but it needed to be said. I just wanted both of us to move on and be happy.

I went home, and I saw my dad's work truck sitting in the driveway. Shit. I sighed and walked through the front door. I could hear him in the kitchen, a piece of silverware hitting a plate.
"Austin, where have you been?" Dad asked me from the dining room. I could smell meatloaf. One of the very few things my dad could actually make.
"I was at Alan's." I told him. I wasn't lying. But I was pretty sure that my dad didn't really know about Kellin, and that was fine. Because if Kellin were to meet my dad, I didn't want my dad thinking of Kells as a bad influence on me. Dad frowned at me.
"Why so late?" He asked me. I shrugged and dropped my backpack onto the floor, as I took a seat at the table.
"I had to talk to him about something. But I don't think we'll be talking for a while." I admitted softly.
"Austin, you know your curfew. This can't go unpunished." He thought for a second. "Let's see, what can I take from you?"
"I'll wash your truck for you and mow the lawn this weekend." I suggested. He nodded.
"Fair enough. That's your punishment." He stood from the table. "Dinner's in the kitchen."
"Oh, I already ate." I told him. He raised a suspicious eyebrow at me. "I ate at Alan's." It wasn't uncommon for me to spend a whole afternoon with Alan, so my dad didn't question me further. I helped him put away the leftovers and did the dishes for him.
I finally was alone in my room by eight. I felt myself yawn, though I'd fallen asleep hours prior with Kellin. I glanced at my bookbag. I had no desire to do homework. I flopped down on my bed and shut my eyes. I would much rather get a few zeros for homework than stay awake, staring at the ceiling for hours. Because, those hours, restless yet tired, before I fell asleep, were always the most painful. They were painful because every thought that I'd suppressed during my awake hours, came back with a vengeance and in a flurry of partial-thoughts.
Alan had said that I was always happy and sappy. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. I wasn't quite happy. I was a storm, a thunderstorm, to be precise. I raged for a while, calmed, then came the pounding rain of tears, and then I was gone. I faked happiness so often that I wasn't sure if it was even possible to be truly happy. I didn't like to let people into my mind, because once they were in and realized how truly fucked up I was, they usually retreated from me. That's what had started to happen with Shay. I never had outright told him all of my thoughts, but from a few things I'd said, he picked up on it. How no one else did, still amazes me.