Dancing On Ice

Eyes Trained On Concrete

Kellin's POV

_____

Dammit, where had I put it? The one thing that I had always kept in my pocket. The dog tag. My dad had given it to me while I was asleep, the night that he'd left. I had woken up to it being on my bedside dresser. No note. No explanation. Nothing. Nothing but memories. And that dog tag was gone. Dammit, how had I managed to do that? I cherished that stupid metal thing. I guess it was gone forever, just like my dad was.

Mom hadn't come home for the past two days and honestly, the house was feeling pretty lonely with just me being there. So I started spending a lot more time at Jesse's house. We'd mindlessly play video games and talk about everything from music to school. I liked Jesse. He was nice and was always willing to talk to me.

But he knew nothing about me. He had no idea what had actually caused my mom to not be home most of the time. Or why I preferred to keep my head low so no one could see my eyes. I was a walking, talking, breathing, organism of shame. Nothing about me was worth bragging about. I didn't play sports. I didn't have any cool talents. And I barely got by in school. Not to mention the simple fact that I was gay and my mom's only son, meaning she'd never had grandchildren. The list went on and on of why I was just a huge ball of disgust.

It was only Thursday, and I was beyond done with the whole school thing. I wouldn't become anything successful anyway. I'd be happy if I even made it out alive of high school anyway. I didn't pack a lunch or bring money for lunch, because I wasn't going to eat any. I didn't bother eating breakfast either because I wasn't hungry. I got dressed, made myself look presentable and left the house. Jesse was an early bird and insisted on waking early and leaving the house early, so I always walked to school by myself. I had headphones in, music blasting into my skull as my feet pounded against the pavement. I was passing by the beach, the sun a little above the horizon, when a hand found itself on my shoulder. I screamed and thrashed about, fear filling my mind and clouding over my judgment. My headphones fell out of my ears, due to my flailing arms knocking them out.

"Um. Good morning?" Austin asked, a confused and apologetic smile on his face. I slowed my breathing and my heart calmed down.

"Hi. You shouldn't sneak up on me like that." I said quietly. Great, not even a complete week into school and I'd already made a total fool of myself in front of someone.

"Yeah, I see that. Do you walk alone everyday?" Austin asked me, reaching down to pick up my fallen phone. He handed it to me and I mumbled out a thank you.

"Yeah. But it's okay. I don't mind." I told him. Austin glanced at the sun over the horizon.

"You sure? I could walk with you if you'd like." He looked at me, his bright, brown, eyes kind.

"You can, if you want." I replied evenly. He laughed a little.

"I'm asking you if you want me to. I don't want to invade on your personal time."

"You're not."

"Kellin, you're still not answering my question." I could feel my cheeks heat up at the realization of this. He probably thought I was so weird.

"You can walk with me." I finally answered him. He grinned, his eyes creasing, slightly. But, as I noticed, his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Though he appeared happy...No. I was looking too deeply into it. Austin was fine. Or at least I was being fooled into thinking so.

"You excited for today?" He asked me as he fell into step beside me. I shrugged.

"Why? Is something exciting going on today?" I asked him.

"It could. I mean, something exciting could happen everyday. It just depends upon what you view as exciting, ya know?" He grinned even wider. I looked at him skeptically.

"I don't believe you." I told him flatly. His smile faded and I instantly wished I hadn't opened my mouth.

"What're you talking about?" He asked me. I dropped my head lower. Dammit, why had I opened my mouth? I had to answer him. I had to explain why I'd said that to him.

"If something exciting happened everyday, then people wouldn't be sad, but they are." I said lamely. That wasn't what I'd meant. I'd really meant that nothing exciting had happened to me, or at least the good kind of excitement, in years. This move, all it had was made things worse. Mom used to always come home, even if it was early morning.

"Now, I don't believe you." Austin slapped my arm playfully. "There's more to it, isn't there?"

"Yeah, but I'd rather not go into it." I muttered quietly. Silence surrounded us, the only sounds being our feet against the sidewalk along with the sound of cars passing us by.

"Why do you walk like that? Staring at the ground? I mean, look around you, the world's beautiful, and you stare at the concrete." Austin asked me, breaking the silence that had been threatening to suffocate me.

"I'm not worthy enough to gaze upon beautiful things." I muttered under my breath, hoping that he didn't hear me.

"What was that?" He asked me. Fuck my life. This guy.

"Erm, I said, uh. I dunno. I just do." I lied. Austin didn't say anything for a moment.

"I heard you the first time. I just wanted to see if you'd lie to me or not." He stopped walking and stood in front of me, his figure towering over me. I lifted my eyes, but not enough to look at his face. "Kellin, we're on this planet. Enjoy it. Look around you." I didn't move. "I mean it. Look." His tone was serious and firm. Reluctantly, I lifted my head and looked around us. My eyes gazed upon how the sunlight hit the waves that crashed onto the shore. I looked at a woman on her bicycle with a wagon attached, containing a child, pass by on an adjacent sidewalk. Finally, I let my eyes take in the guy in front of me. His eyes were staring right into mine. I felt my cheeks heat up and I looked to the ground again.

"I'm sorry." I rushed out of my mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"What? Why?" He asked me. I closed my eyes tightly.

"Nothing, I should go. Um, it's okay, I'll see you around." And with that, I began to run all the way to school, leaving a confused Austin Carilile there on the sidewalk. I didn't want him to know why I was sorry. It was an embarrassing reason why.

The reason why being the simple fact that

I'd looked into his eyes.