MADNESS (Kellin Quinn Fanfiction) -COMPLETED-

S.E.V.E.N.T.E.E.N

I'm not the one to know how to go through stuff, mostly because I was living the time of my life untill now. I didn't have to deal with my stupid feelings and honest but cruel inner voice and the truth hits you like a wall. Yes, I made a mistake, and I regret it for my life. But I'm also glad that I had spent those three months with Kellin because it was for sure the time of my life. I had never felt that alive and happy in my entire life. He was like just made to fill the whole in my soul, complete me. But it was a brief relationship. Although he think it was all a lie. No it was not. I really really liked him and still do. He'll never know the truth though. He won't pick up my calls or text back. Even if he does, even if I told him he won't believe me. Because he thinks I'm a liar. Which is true. I've lied throughout my entire life and it wasn't an issue untill now. I never though this'd be that horrible for me. Hell, I didn't think I'd kept seeing him but I did. Because i liked him more than any guy i have ever dated. He was special and one of a kind. He knew how to make one happy and lively.

Now I'm miserable, pathetic and all the worst things you could think of. It's been about three months since Kellin broke things off with me at the mall, making it the worst day of my life. And I've been having the worst time of my life. Im devastated than ever and things just don't get together.

I've been drinking a lot. That's all what I do to be honest, drinking. Hell, due to the fact that I drink too much I mostly skipped my work days and my boss finally fired me. So now I have more time to drink away my problems and cry out of pain at home. No one's bothering, since I don't have anyone. My roommate and only true friend (which I doubt it now) is gone forever, living an admirable life with Vic. They might even got married by now if you consider the speed they moved in together. Well other then her I had friends that stopped calling me or checking on me for a long while ago. I have my family but I have no idea where they are eight now, probably traveling the world. I can't call them to come and take care of me. I'm a grown-up, I have to be strong enough to get over a break up. Well, the real problem is that I had never been gone through a break up before so I didn't know what's like. I never had a boyfriend, I didn't know love or anything. That breakdown after learning what truly love was devastating. I miss him like hell it wasn't bearable. It is eating me away each day. I couldn't get him out my mind, my system. It is hardest thin I have ever faced with. I don't know what to do, how to move on. It's been three months and yet I'm still on the couch drinking alcohol while my house is a complete mess. I've quit taking care of it long time ago. Why would I clean it while my head is a mess? Maybe I should do something about it now. I need a closure, don't I? So maybe it's time to cut it all off and pierce the veil now.

I picked up my head which was pounding so hard I had to put my hands to my temples. I massaged my forehead but it was no use. This hungover will not pass this quick. I've been drinking for days for God's sake.

I slowly sat up straight then stand up, again slowly. I was already dizzy I didnt want to get head rushed.

I moved the stuff on the floor with my foot and made my way to the kitchen I found some water in a bottle that sat on the sink and I picked up the painkillers from the ground. I drank the water with the medicine and went to my room. Never bothering to change or even fix my hair, I put on a snickers that were around and head out only with my shorts and t-shirts on which it was winter and freezing. I didn't care. I walk through the cold dark air and hopped in the car. I was gonna do the thing that I had been thinking for a while. It'll make the things settle inside of me. Cut it all off right away. I guess this was the way I was looking for a while. It'll get rid of the pain right away. A closure.

I drove away from home. I felt like crying because my inside was tearing apart and everything was just waiting to explode but my eyes couldn't take it anymore. There weren't able to cry no longer. It is hard too because I can't even cry, I'm not even able to do this simplest thing. I'm pathetic. Lonely and broken. Just because I had never felt those things before at the first time it hit me hard and I still couldn't get up. I'm still on the floor, probably gonne end up being crashed by something big. What is my life, if I even can call it life.

It was black out here. It was probably four in the morning, everyone was sleeping. I kept driving until I was at the place I wanted. This skate park I grew up going to. It was a really big place to be honest. It had big wide walls just like I want. I parked the car somewhere a bit far away from there and went up to the flat banks and wander around ramps. I laid down on the middle of the roll-in thing and looked up the sky. Dark but full of with stars Michigan sky. The city I grew up in, full of memories.

When I realized I was shivering cause of the cold and my half naked body, I got up and looked around for a moment then went back to my car. Now the easy part is on, one simple thing left to do, to drive. So that's what I did, I started the car and push the gas pedal as much as I can, I speeded up and up so there was no way. Right when I was so close to the park I let go of the steering wheel and took a deep breath hopefully my last breath, before I was crashed into the big wide wall of the park.

I guess that's it.