MADNESS (Kellin Quinn Fanfiction) -COMPLETED-

N.I.N.E.T.E.E.N

That day, at the hospital, I told everything had happened in the past couple months. How hard the crap I was going through was and how I couldn't handle it. She listened to me so carefully, getting sadder by the time I finished telling everything. She genuinely looked so upset and believe me, I know her and can sense everything she feels. I know her better than anyone. She constantly said that she was sorry and I believed her. We held each other all day catching up, letting all our feelings out. She though, stated that she was so happy with the life she was having. She also told me that she was pregnant which i was shocked at first, thinking as to why they rushed it all but knowing that they like going too fast with their relationship made me realized sooner or later this was gonna happen. But of course i told her how much i was happy for her, i genuinely was. Even though i didn't like kids and all that, i already loved the kid growing inside of her. I felt so pumped that i was gonna be an aunt. Even the thought of it made me feel alive all over again which considering that i tried to kill myself the day before, it was a big process. It had me thinking though. Will i find the peace i was looking for, with that? What if suicide was just eliminating the chances of life's ever getting better. But when i think again, what the fuck i would do when she leaves? I'd have no one again. I'd have to live my miserable life. Which I prefer to end it instead of going back to that house. It held so many bad memories rather then good ones. I can't help but remembering them instead of thinking about all those years I lived there. It just took about six months to destroy my whole life. The life I had lived happily for 24 years. It was just a short amount of time when you compare it to your whole life. It is really that simple to get shoved over the edge of your life.

Yesterday when it was late they had to leave. But they said that they'd be here with me for a week or so to support. Which made me thankful as hell. Because I didnt wanna go through this process alone.

They were about to go get settle in a hotel room. But I insisted on them staying at my house. No one really stayed there and I was not One to let them spend their money on something completely unnecessary. So they agreed in and went home for the night.

Vic was also so nice to me. I know I didn't really know him, except accusing him for stealing my best friend. But he was genuinely a great guy. I get really good for D. She found love of her life and her partner was as great as could be. And it was all it mattered.

I also made them have my session with physiologist here. I refused to go to mental hospital or anything. It was ridiculous which they can't force me to do that but obviously they can make me have these sessions. Anyways, I'm just gonna have them for a week and I'm over. I don't wanna be here for another second but I don't have choice.

The physiologist asked me questions as to why I tried to kill myself. It frustrated me how it became a huge deal for everyone. I was sick of it. I didn't wanna answer his questions but if I didn't cooperate then they might make this process grow longer. And this would be the last thing I want. I simply said that I made a mistake on my relationship and caused a mess. This was enough him to know though, that I was suicidal because of that. I won't tell the full story. I had my private life and private past and I didn't want any other person to know any of it. After me answering his questions simply he left anyways. I was glad that he wasn't eager to dig it deeper and force me to tell him everything. Coz I might had been having to tell him if it was all it took me to get out of this hell whole.

***

Days had passed since I started taking the physiologist sessions. It was boring as hell but at least the physiologist was as unwilling as I was so he wasn't a problem. We just needed to spent a few days more here. Oh by the way Vic and Davina visited me everyday. I drew closer to Vic which was nice. It's been a long time since I had a guy friend that I could count on, considering my only guy friend Sam turned out to be the worst kind of friend by doing what he's done.I still don't know what have gotten into him. He was still mentally unstable and the problem wasn't addressed. In the other hand Rose, I dont know what happened to her either. We had been good friends since high school. Yeah ofcourse we had ups and downs with her but I didn't know she hated me that much. She must had been feeling suppressed or something, through the years. I don't understand why would people stab me in the back instead of telling me what their problems are. This way no one would get this hurt.