The Alphas Second Choice

Chapter Six:Funeral

A/N picture above is of the dress Blake wears to the funeral.

Blake:

You know that moment when your completely lost and have no idea what the hell your doing? Yeah that's me right now.

I'm currently standing outside Christians bedroom door, I've been standing here for the past twenty minutes. Trying to gain the guts to knock.
The pack is out organizing the funeral, and I'm here like an idiot.

My wolf howls happily just being semi close to him. 'Hurry!' She whines eager for me to open the door.

I take a deep breath and knock.

No reply. I knock again. No reply.

I scoff and walk away then "Blake?" It's Christian.

I turn slowly "Yeah sorry, I was lost." I lie badly , Christian doesn't look so good. His beard is long and his hair expectantly untamed. Even with that I still want him. God I'm pathetic.

Christian nods slowly "Lost?" He murmurs I nod smiling slightly "Stupid old me." Christian murmurs something to himself "You think you could help me with something?" His face crunches up in pain.

It's only then I realize there's a blood stain on his white shirt. "Of course."

Christian leads me to his bathroom , it's a huge all white marble tile complete with a bathtubs and a stand up rainfall shower. It's amazing.

He whips off his shirt , I inhale sharply "My first aid kit is there." He points to the bathroom cabinet. I quickly grab it and place on it the counter "I've already stitched it but it's need to be cleaned...." Christian grunts slightly as he sits on a stool "Okay."

I kneel in front of him , pouring some alcohol on a cotton ball, "This might sting." I warn before dabbing his wound. It has tiny stitches and is a deep Crimson color "Why hasn't it healed? My wounds healed immediately after." Christian is a Alpha meaning he's ten times stronger than me and any other werewolf , he should have healed.
He sighs "I'm weak." My eyebrows raise and I blurt out "Why?" Christian scowls "I just lost the girl I love." The words sting more than I hoped they would. My wolf whines lightly , she knows we'll never be good enough for him.

I finish cleaning his wound quickly , I can't around him long. It just hurts more later when I have sleep alone at night.

"All done." I start wash my hands , my reflection stares back at me. I'm paler than usual and my hazel eyes almost bulge out of my head, I guess not eating really does effect you. Not that my ugly bruise helps. I bitterly laugh at myself drying my hands off  "Who hit you?" Christian wonders. Is he serious?

I face him "You did." Christian eyes widen ever so slightly and he looks down. Good feel guilty. I scowl "Can I go?" He nods "Yes thank you." I give him something that resembles a smile, then I leave. A little sadder , smaller and heartbroken.

The Next Day: The Funeral

Lydia does my makeup , and I feel a little better but i don't think I'll ever be okay again.
My dress is a little slutty for a funeral but whatever. "Your my best work yet!" Lydia squeals I laugh lightly "I'm honored." She sticks her tongue out at me "Let's do this!" I nod taking a deep breath.

The outside yard is covered in white wood chairs and the pack crowds in, Christian sits up front next to his sister , mother and Amelia's family.
My and Lydia sit caddy corner to them "I didn't expect there to be so many people here." Lydia whispers , I swallow thickly my eyes don't leave Christian "She has Christians everything , of course everyone came." My voice cracks , Lydia rubs my arm "Don't cry not in front of him." I nod tearing my eyes away from Christian.

Our pack priest walks to the casket, he starts with a blessing on our pack. "We have lost a very important person , a friend , daughter and future Luna." The priest eyes land on Christian who wears a poker a face "Let us have a moment of silence."

The funeral lasts about an hour before everyone gives there condolences , a long line forms around the yard. My and Lydia wait "What am I going to say?" I whisper to her , she shrugs "What everyone else is saying." I bite my lower lip.

Why am I even here? I'm no one. I'm just a girl who got dealt the shitty hand of cards. The girl who no one will ever know I'm their Luna. The girl Christian doesn't want.

Lydia taps me "Stop putting yourself down." I meet her eyes "I'm not." She gives me a look "And don't think I'm not going to get on you for not eating." Lydia worries too much I've discovered. She thinks me only eating once or twice a week will kill me. A normal human yes. But a werewolf no. "Stop acting like what I do has some great effect on anyone." I snap.

Lydia steps back sighing "It effects me , watching you destroy yourself over this." She gestures to Christian and the casket.

I sigh to myself , she's right. I'm tearing myself apart for no reason. But how can I forget what Christian told me. He said he wish I would have died. How the hell am I suppose to forget that? But Lydia doesn't know that.

Me and Lydia are up next when she brings up something "I found pills in your dresser." My eyes widen slightly "Please tell me your not taking them." I don't respond "Blake?" Lydia pushes "There the only thing keeping me sane." My voice cracks.

I stole the pills from my mother, they are depression pills. Nothing that will kill me.

Lydia rubs my arm "Why didn't you tell me?" I shrug "It's none of anyone's business." She keeps quiet "Just don't give up." I want to promise up and down that I won't. But I don't know if I can.

Amelia's Parents appear in front of us , I shake their hands "I'm so sorry for you loss." Amelia's mothers eyes are chapped and red "Did you know her?" I shrug slightly "Only a little." Her mom nods "Thank you."
Christian is next , god what do I say?

Lydia goes before I do, I know she's controlling her anger "Sorry for your loss." Christian shakes her hand "Thank you Lydia."

I stand in front of him "I'm sorry for your loss." I whisper then a wave of anger hits me "And I'm sorry you you think I'm responsible for her death when I did was try to save her. I'm fucking sorry." Christian is shocked , he doesn't reply. I scowl and walk away from him , Lydia is watching with her mouth hanging open "Blake!" She exclaims trailing after me but I don't listen I disappear into the woods.

I need to run and I need to now before I kill something.
I shift quickly hiding my clothes behind a tree.

My wolf howls excitedly ready to stretch her legs. I run and run , feeling the warm summer air against my coat feels amazing. The air is thick but a  breeze cools it down.
Fresh is air what I needed.

I run until I reach the end of our property , a river runs along separating our property from another packs. The river runs quietly , the water crystal clear I can see my reflection in the icy water. My wolf states back at me , my auburn color coat and hazel eyes shine back at me. I'm at peace.

The run around for a little while, letting my wolf take over. She's been so down and confused , I just want her happy.

My ears perk up when I hear slight ruffling in the brushes. Rogues is my first thought , then I recognize the scent it's him.

A/N:
Hi! I realized writing this chapter I really didn't want to make Amelia's funeral a big deal. So I decided , that this chapter was going to be short. I want to get this story heading in a happy direction. Bare with me , there will be a few happy things coming up!

Thanks for reading!