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Chapter 3

Shit. I can't believe I cried and showed weakness in front of Jaeger.

Not that I care what he thinks anyway... he and the rest of them are ignorant.

They don't understand what's really going on this forsaken world. They can't understand.

I've only ever done what I've had to do so that I can survive and get back home, where my father is waiting for me.

After all the blood I've stained my hands with and it was all for nothing... I failed.

I'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life... or what little remains of it.

I can't help but wonder why I'm still alive. They must know I won't tell them anything and they seem to have a learned a great deal already while I was encased in crystal.

How long have I been down here? It must have been about a week since I woke up.

A crazy woman with glasses and that scary short guy asked me a lot of questions for the first few days but they didn't lay a finger on me, even though I stayed silent. They must be worried in case they accidentally trigger my transformation.

I was sure they'd execute me soon until Eren showed up unexpectedly yesterday, they must think he might be able to get through to me.

I may be able to use this to my advantage and glean some information out of him about what happened to Reiner and Bertholdt and how much the Survey Corps actually know...

He's not exactly the smartest choice. He's dimwitted and not suited to manipulation. Actually, I would've expected them to send Armin rather than Eren in that case.

Come to think of it, I wonder if Armin is still alive... or any of them for that matter.

Ugh. Why do I even care? They're supposed to be enemy.

Although... despite trying to keep my distance from them all and focusing on my mission, I have to admit I've come to care for them in spite of myself.

I know they're not evil people but they all have to die.

I can understand why Reiner has snapped the way he has. The guilt is almost too much to bear.

I have to stop thinking about all of this. Eren will be here soon and I can't allow myself to slip up in front of him.

Eren...

Just thinking about what happened yesterday causes a tightness in my chest and I can feel my eyes stinging from holding back the welling up of tears.

Why do I feel so guilty and ashamed whenever I think about him?

It's not like we were particularly close. Sure, we trained together and I taught him to fight but I wouldn't say we were friends.

I wonder... did he feel differently?

Not that it matters.

Now he knows about Marco, he must feel nothing but disgust towards me.

By now, he must've told everybody what happened.

Jean is probably calling for my death... not that I can blame him.

What we did to Marco was unforgivable and is something that will always haunt me.

I'm sorry Marco. From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry.