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Chapter 4

It's been a few days since I spoke to Eren.

He didn't come see me when he said he would.

Maybe he's given up...

I don't know why but I feel a bit sad about that.

Am I really that lonely? It's never bothered me before. I guess being locked up by myself is beginning take its toll.

Either way, I don't really ca... huh? Footsteps?

Is it him?

As the door swings open, Eren stands before me.

Silence.

Why isn't he saying anything? He looks deep in thought, as though he's unsure of what to say.

Before I can stop myself, my mouth opens to speak...

"So you came back? I thought you'd given up."

"No... I just needed to more time to clear my head... to help me decide what I'm going to do," he replies hesitantly.

What he's going to do?

"What do you mean by that?"

Silent. He seems unsure of whether to tell me.

Looking up at him, I catch his eye but quickly look way.

I've never felt comfortable looking people in the eye, probably because my mission requires me to deceive a lot of people.

But with Eren, it's a different kind of uncomfortable.

When he looks at me, it's like he expects something from me.

He wasn't like the other cadets who would avoid me. Even though I stayed aloof, he always went out of his way to talk to me.

It was like he saw me as a nice person. He was wrong.

"I'm talking about what happened to Marco... and whether I should tell the others or not," he says, interrupting my thoughts.

What!? He hasn't told them? Why?

"... you haven't told them?"

"Not yet... and I don't even know if I will," he says.

Looking at me again with those expectant eyes.

"Why not?"

"If I told them, it'd just be more justification for your execution and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that," he replies.

Right. Of course, he's still trying to get information out of me and he can't do that if I'm dead.

For a second there, I almost allowed myself to believe he still cared what happened to me.

Maybe I even hoped that was the case.

"Look Eren, it's pointless. We both know that I'm not going to tell you anything so just go ahead and tell them, you're just prolonging the inevitable."

"Is that truly what you think?" he asks.

"... that's not it all. I actually don't want you to tell us anything... because if you do, they'll have no reason to keep you alive," he says, looking at the ground.

"Despite my better judgment... I don't want you to die, Annie," he says softly.

Blank. My mind has gone blank. I don't know how to respond.

Although I know it's wrong, I find myself feeling moved by the fact that Eren still cares what happens to me.

... at the same time though, I'm saddened by the position that I've put him in and feel immense regret that our circumstances have placed us on opposing sides.

It can't be helped though. This is the shitty world we live in.

"Listen to me Eren, we are enemies. You know nothing about me. I was never the person you thought I was and clinging onto that falsehood is futile. Neither of us can change our fate, this is the state of our world."

I have to say this. I can't help him but If I can do at least one thing for him, I can make this situation a lot easier for him to accept.

"Why? Why do you have to be this way!?" he angrily asks, clenching his fists.

The mix of anger and desperation on his face catches me off guard.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn!? It doesn't have to be like this... you don't need to die! I know you can't be forgiven for what you've done but there's got to be more to your story, I don't believe you would've done any of it if you had a choice... so please work with me here, help me keep you alive," he pleads.

I can feel a lump in my throat.

After everything I've done, he's still this desperate to keep me alive.

Me.

The person who betrayed him, killed his friends and comrades in front of him.

Why is he prepared to go to such lengths for me?

Would he offer Reiner and Bertholdt the same choice?

Even though I was supposed to be trying to use Eren to get some information about what's going on out there, it's come to this.

I was naive. Trying to play the ice queen again.

I can't deny how I feel.

I do feel guilty, I do care about Eren and the others... I am scared to die.

"What are you suggesting? I could never side with you and the survey corps. Not that they'd ever accept me anyway."

"I know that but still... you don't need to tell us everything right now. Just help me understand and show a bit of cooperation, that should be enough to stave off execution for now," he replies.

"I just want you to continue to talk to me like this and help me understand you better," he says.

Is this for real? Eren is so straightforward and simple, he can't be lying or playing mind games.

I've got nothing to lose. I don't want to rot down here forever.

"Fine... just don't expect much out of me."

"That's okay. I just want to hear your side of things," he says, breathing a sigh of relief.

Maybe nothing will come of this.

I'm just buying myself a bit of time but... I'm also curious about Erens motives.

I can't help but wonder what he's thinking...