Carlos fandango set out one day with a band of demented dwarves and a discredited cat name Goodwin greyteeth to separate the serpent from his hoard of short municiples and convertible debentures. The quest was successful, and the cat who smelled like a school bus, was taken from behind while he was clipping his ingrown toenails. And yet though many pointless and annoying deeds were done, this would concern us a great deal less than it does, if that is possible, except from a bit of petty larceny Carlos did along the way to keep his hand in. The party was ambushed along the way in the foothills of the soup mountains by a roving pack of trolls, and in hurrying to the aid of the embattled dwarves, Carlos somehow lost his sense of direction and ended up in a cave a considerable distance away. Finding himself at the mouth of a tunnel which led rather perceptibly down, Carlos suffered a temporary recurrence of an old inner ear problem and went rushing along it to the rescue, as he thought, of his friends. After running for a long time and finding nothing but more tunnel, he was beginning to feel he had taken a wrong turn somewhere when the passage abruptly ended in a large cavern.
When Carlos' eyes became adjusted to the pale light, he found that the grotto was almost filled by a wide, kidney-shaped lake where a nasty looking clown named Hannah paddled noisily around on an old rubber sea-horse. He ate raw fish and occasional side orders to travel from the outside world in the form of lost travellers like Carlos, and he greeted Carlos' unexpected entrance into his underground sauna in much the same way as he would the sudden arrival of a chicken delight truck. But like anyone with river cat ancestry, Hannah preferred the subtle approach in assaulting creatures over five inches high and weighing more than ten pounds, and consequently he challenged Carlos to a game of slaps to gain time. Carlos, who had a sudden attack of amnesia regarding the fact that his friends were being made into chutney outside the cave accepted.
They slapped each other countless times. In the end Carlos won the game. Struggling to gain strength for the last slap Carlos' hand fell on his snub nosed .35, 'what have I got in my pocket ?' This Hannah failed to answer, and growing impatient, he paddled up to Carlos, whining, 'let me see, let me see.' Carlos obliged by pulling out the pistol and firing it in Hannah's direction. The dark spoiled his aim, and he only managed to deflate the sea horse, leaving Hannah to flounder. Hannah, who couldn't swim, reached out in his direction and begged Carlos to save him, however Carlos had other ideas and splashed Hannah's face. Hannah drowned 14 seconds later.
To be continued.....
Dedicated to Lucy Evans by joe birch-Healey ;) leave a comment
