|midnight thoughts|

10:02

10:02
It's 10:02 PM, and someone asked me if I was okay.
10:02, and I told them I was tired. 
It's 10:02, I am tired; of being lonely, of being sad, of being pathetic. 
10:02. It's 10:02.
It's 10:03, and I'm hugging a pillow to my chest, rocking back and forth.
10:03, and I'm hugging a pillow because I don't have anyone to hug. 10:03.
10:03, and the monsters in my head come out from their hiding places.
It's 10:03, and I'd rather be anywhere else than where I am now. 10:03.
10:04, and I'm strangling the pillow I was hugging. It's 10:04.
It's 10:04, and the monsters in my head are whispering all the things I've ever done wrong
10:04, and anger fills every ounce of my being. 10:04. It's 10:04.
10:05, and I want to kick a hole in the wall. It's 10:05, I could knock down a building.
10:05. It's 10:05.
It's 10:06. 10:06, tears of frustration roll down my cheeks.
10:06, and I throw the pillow across the room. 10:06.
10:07. It's 10:07.
10:07, and I want to bash my head through the wall. It's 10:07.
It's 10:07, and I might as well drop myself off a cliff. 10:07. 10:07. 10:07.
10:08, and the tears of frustration turn into tears of sadness.
It's 10:08, and the monsters are screaming at me, criticizing me.
10:08, and the monsters are threatening to hurt me. 10:08, it's 10:08
It's 10:09, and I'm hugging the pillow again. 10:09, and I wish this pillow could hug me back.
10:09, I'm so lonely. 10:09, it's 10:09.
It's 10:09, and I wish someone could make the voices in my head shut up.
It's 10:09 and nobody cares, about me.
10:10. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. 
It's 10:10, and I can't do this anymore. I can't, I can't, I can't.
10:10, I can't. 10:10. 10:10. 10:10. I can't.
It's 10:11. My breath is shaky. 10:11, and my hands are trembling.
It's 10:11, and with my trembling hands I pick up a gun.
10:12.