Giddy

Problem #12 - House Party with You

I went to another sweet 16 for a great friend; it was basically a huge get-together, but it was mostly swimming.

I'm writing this at one a.m. and my mind is all over the place. I really don't know how to express this dilemma in words. I really have no words.

This boy paid a lot of attention to me at this party. I was surprised. He would try to sit next to me in the jacuzzi, playfully splash me, just look me in the eye and talk to me; at one point I was standing at the edge of the pool when he wrapped his arms around my waist to pick me up and jump into the pool together which got a loud scream out of me.

That moment... I don't even know what kind of glee that was, because I've never felt it before.

This may seem unrelated, but please keep reading on. What I'm going to convey next is going to mostly just help me.

My freshman year, there was a couple that would just hug for the entire lunch period in front of the music room that is by the office. They never, ever broke apart and I would always just think, "Man, how can you just stand there and hug for that long?"

I think I get it now.

I spent a lot of my time in the pool and hot tub at the party, but when I finally decided to get out, I was freezing. And there's a certain someone who knows this.

Okay, I really don't know who actually reads my problems, but you may have guessed who I'm talking about.

Josh. It's Josh. "You cold?" He would ask casually and I would respond with the same old, "I'm always cold."

He wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his hands clasp together and he would gradually tighten his embrace and then loosen. Then eventually we would move and he switched to just one arm around my shoulders. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and would stroke my arm with his thumb. My head rested against his chest, we just talked. We were a fair distance away from everyone.

That's really all.

But, he talked about his girlfriend. He held me in his arms. He fitted his chin snugly atop mine because my height was perfect. He brushed the top of my ear as he tucked a piece of my hair. He fit my hand in his. He brought his face close to mine. All the while, he had a girlfriend.

Of course, I'm equally guilty now because I didn't try to distance myself from him. I was addicted to the warmth of his skin.

This may or may not seem very serious, but couldn't you say that this is cheating? And if she finds out, I'll be caught in the middle of it.

I'm not a cheater, and I don't want to turn him into one.

I sigh as I think about it.

Problem number twelve.