Giddy

Tinder

It's very funny how time works. You blink and suddenly it's been like, what, three years?

Anyhow,  I'll tell you that Carlos and I did end up in a relationship for almost a year. Didn't quite make it to that marker. But when we broke up we encouraged each other to download Tinder. Me, being an absolutely ignorant 18 year old at the time, didn't buy into the whole idea that it was just a hook up app. I realize now the error of my ways, but hey, I got a lot of matches so that definitely made me feel like a hot shot. For the record, I did actually end up meeting with a couple of the guys. There's one specific experience I'll write about though.

So I went through those phases of chatting in the app and then exchanging numbers. The guy had a great sense of humor. We made up a little scenario and I don't even remember what the context was but we were like representatives of two kingdoms making a contract and talking super polite and it was hilarious.

Let's give him a different name because I'm diverse now and very in touch with cultures (haha!): Kedar.

On a whim he decided to meet up with me. I was either going back to campus or had already been on campus, but I was working on an assignment and I basically asked if he wanted to meet me and help me out or give me company. He really said screw it and came.

I realize what I have written and I regret my word choice now but I'll save it for the humor.

Kedar was really easy to talk to. He did most of the questioning yknow the get to know me things, but I would say I carried on with my answers rather well. Definitely better than my awkward high school years. Yikes. Yeah, I reread the previous chapters and my goodness I'm so sorry guys.

There was a point though where he asked if he could lay his head on my lap. I gave him permission to. Then I asked if I could comb through his hair and basically pet him. He gave his okay and we shared that moment. It was really nice. I wouldn't say I was giddy though, but after a break up you kinda need an interaction like this. Well, maybe not really. Maybe I'm just a hoe. But it was refreshing after I found myself alone that semester.

But then I went and got myself a new boo and guess what? I saw Kedar on campus! While I was all over my new man! (Okay I wasn't actually all over him but we were holding hands or my arm was wrapped around his. Something). I said hi but holy moly was it awkward. I can't believe I still remember that look on his face when he realized. I feel bad.

In between my Tinder use and my getting into a new relationship, I basically told every guy I had been talking to then from Tinder that I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone anymore. The breakup had hit hard.

But like I said it's been a few years now and I'm over it. I reread this whole diary thing and it inspired me to publish another chapter. This has actually been in my drafts since 2018 so I'm glad I finally got to write it. I think I'm going to keep this up again because revisiting these memories during this time of quarantine and being all touch starved is really a pain and pleasure.

To anyone who actually comes across this, be smart! Stay safe! And hang in there :')