Secrets I'll Never Tell - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 20

Louis' POV

It's the day of Harry's funeral, three days after he left this world, left me. No note, no explanation, just gone. I found him so I had to explain everything to the cops, the hardest twenty minutes of my life. I sobbed the whole time and I kept my blood stained clothes on until yesterday; Liam forced me into the shower. Now, I was dressed in an all black tux, emotionless, at Harry's funeral. Everyone here was sobbing at least a little, except for me.

Gemma and his mum can't seem to let go of each other and I feel bad. They heard the news from Liam and there wasn't even an explanation for them. I feel like they probably know this is my fault and they probably hate me, they should hate me. I hate me. I was so obsessed with seeing my family that I let Harry go. They know now though, they know the whole truth. They hate me again, what a surprise.

The boys are trying to act normal, but it's only a facade to help me. I know they're hurting, I know they cry too, I know they have to hate me at least a little. I've ignored them, I ignored Harry because I'm so selfish and look where it's gotten me. I should've been the one to die, the one to take my life, not Harry. Harry could've had a wonderful life, he was perfect.

I miss him. We hadn't been talking, but he was there, his presence was there. Now, there's nothing. His cologne's not lingering around the house, he's not making food that smells amazing, he's literally vanished from our life's. I feel like he did leave a note though, he just had to've. Harry's not the type to leave unannounced, leaving us with no explanation. But I know Harry, and he wouldn't just leave it out in the open, he's smarter than that.

My guess is that he hid it in his room, but I don't have the courage to go search. None of us have entered his room, but we'll have to eventually. Gemma already bluntly told us her and their mum will want his things and we'll have to be there to make sure they don't take anything belonging to us. That will be a bad day, a very bad day. I dread it more and more as I think about it.

"Louis.." Zayn whispered, nudging my arm. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" I was confused.

"It's over."

"Over?"

"Yeah." I looked to the front and they were closing the casket and I screamed, no, shrieked. Everything and everyone stopped and I jumped up and ran to the casket. I lifted it back open, getting shocked looks from all around, but I didn't care. I needed to see him one last time, touch him one last time. I stroked his cheek but recoiled. This wasn't Harry, there was no warmth to him, nothing there. He was cold and empty.

My tears came like a tsunami and I lost it, just lost it. I collapsed, clutching to Harry's cold, lifeless body. Someone pulled me off and I started thrashing and screaming my head off. It was if I was watching from another standpoint, like I wasn't in my body. I was drug out of the funeral home and placed in the back of a car, thrashing still. I fell over on to someone's lap, sobbing and the person started rubbing circles on my spine.

I cringed suddenly because Harry used to this when we cuddled. I pulled away, sobbing harder, and I smashed my head right into the window. Things went black.

~

~

"Hey Louis.." I blinked a few times, registering that Liam was with me in my room. "You hit your head pretty hard."

"Yea.."

"You alright?" I nodded. "You went ballistic back there."

"Sorry."

"Don't be, I understand tha-"

"No! You don't understand Liam! No one does but Harry and he's not fucking here!"