Dragged to my knees

Chapter 21

 Loneliness is always looking for a friend

It found me once and it has been around since then

Loneliness is never waiting by the door

It sweeps right through and it will never be ignored

Why, why was I chosen?

Why am I left without?

-Loneliness by West Life

~

~

The sound of voices wakes me up. It's eleven in the morning and my head seems to weigh about as much as a ton of bricks as I head to the kitchen. Mum's there, with Mrs. Williams and the girls.

"Morning mum." I greet. "Morning Mrs. Williams, Adira, Davina, Ruby."

"Morning." They all reply, staring at me as I head to the fridge to get some OJ like they're expecting me to just explode or something.

"What?" I quirk my eyebrows at them.

"Nothing." Mum replies hastily, pretending to be busy with some carrots sitting on the counter.

"I'm really sorry for your loss Ricky." The statements slams into me with such force that I'm surprised I'm still standing. I had almost forgotten about it.

"Thank you." I reply stiffly in an attempt to recover quickly.

"Are you doing okay?" Adira asks softly. Funny question considering the fact that you know, my aunt just died?

"I'm better." I reply instead.

Our neighbors stay for a while and we talk about our holidays. It's not so nice to talk about now, but it works well enough as a distraction that I'm glad for it.

After they leave, more people keep popping in to show their condolences and every time, I give the same well-rehearsed replies. It's okay. Thank you. I'm fine.

They're all expecting me to break down, but I won't give them the satisfaction; not out in public. Mum's holding the fort really well too but I know she must be hurting inside. She was really close to her sister and if I'm feeling this much pain, she must be going through hell.

Kenny comes around too. He almost looks as miserable as we do and somehow, my heart goes out to him. We talk for a while before he leaves and I find that I hate him even less now.

***

I decide to go to the school the next day, irrespective of everything because the only other option is to sit around moping all day. By lunch though, I'm starting to regret my choice.

Everyone is treating me like some fragile object that just might break. Everyone except Alex, that is.

"You alright mate?" he whispers, taking the seat next to me. "You look just about ready to commit suicide." 

Well, speak of the devil

"Feel like ditching?" he asks, grinning broadly. 

Except this devil is giving me a free bus pass out of hell.

"What do you think?" I nearly scream, laughing. "You're a life saver, I swear." I reply, grabbing my plate and getting up. "But we haven't got any permission slips"

He smiles knowingly and pulls out a note from his pocket, with Uncle Harry's and Dr. Eli's signatures on it, granting us permission to leave.