The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sienna's POV

I wake up the following morning and I find myself led in Harry’s arms. My body immediately stiffens when I realise just how close we are. I don’t do being close to someone or any kind of affection, it’s unnecessary and inconvenient. I am so confused about this situation with Harry, I don’t know what I am getting myself involved in. He came rushing to my rescue last night and that meant more to me then he will ever know. The last thing I want is to get close to him though and I really don’t want to get into relationship. If I am actually being honest with myself I do like him and I do want to spend as much time with him as I possibly can. He isn’t like other guys I have been with or encountered before. He is actually nice and sweet. He is really caring and he isn’t put off by my rude behaviour or my substance issues.

He didn’t judge me, like last night he didn’t even though I got myself into a right state. He took care of me and I know he wouldn’t have left me on my own, no matter what other plans he had. I haven’t had someone care about me like this before, it’s a nice feeling. I can tell he is different from the other guys I have been with, because any other person would have walked away already. I keep pushing him away, yet he always comes back to me. I feel embarrassed that deep down I craved every ounce of kindness and affection that he showed me. I can’t help wanting more, now that I have experienced it.

I feel Harry pulling me closer to him, whilst he still sleeps and I start to panic, it makes me freak out. I can’t deal with this affection or this closeness, even though I want it. I want him to be here with me, but I can’t handle this affection all at once. I’m not use to it and I don’t think I ever will be. I can’t handle him being so close, him holding me or him touching me. My body instantly wants to move away from him and my mind instantly craves a drink or a line of cocaine, anything to escape my reality. I need to get away from him and the kindness he is showing me.

I slowly pull myself out of Harry’s arms and I carefully climb out of the bed. I make my way out of the bedroom, into the living area of the suite and I cringe as I look around at the mess. The room is covered in clothes that are just thrown anywhere, there are blood stained towels laying all over the floor and illegal substances lurking all around. The carpets are stained with dry blood from my heavy nose bleed from last night. I stare at the bottle of vodka and lines of cocaine in the room, the ones that I never managed to use last night. I make my way closer to the dangerous items and I stare between the two, trying to decide which one to have. I need something, I need something to get me through today. I go for the less obvious of the two, the cocaine. I pick up a rolled up bank note, which lays beside the white powder and I snort one of the ready-made lines up my nose. I block out what happened last night, I don’t want to think about it. My nose stings as I snort the powder and my eyes instantly start to water. I rub my nose, trying to soothe it and I soon start to feel better. I always feel less on edge when I have taken the drug. The cocaine will always help me forget what is going on in my head, even if it is just for a few hours.

I quietly make my way back into the bedroom after taking the cocaine and I climb back into bed beside Harry. He is still fast asleep and I soon become bored just staring around the room. The cocaine has woke me up and it would be impossible for me to fall back asleep now. I really could do with some more sleep, considering we have to be up soon for rehearsals and interviews. I lay here for a while, staring up at the ceiling and eventually I feel him move. “Morning gorgeous” he croaks, moving closer to me and kissing my back. I instantly tense up at his affection towards me. "How are you feeling?" he asks me with concern in his voice. "I'm ok" I answer, turning over in bed to face him. I look into his eyes and he stares straight back into mine. I am terrified that he is starting to see the real me. He can see that I put up a façade and little by little I am letting him pull down my walls. I am starting to let him see the real me.