The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 73

Chapter 73

Sienna's POV

Have you ever just led down and wondered how life turned out the way it did? Have you ever felt so out of touch with yourself that you don't even know who you are anymore? I have, that's where I am right now. I have no idea who I have become and I hate it. I hate the person I am now. Even worse I hate the 'stranger' who lays beside me. I hate him but I love him at the same time. We are both so messed up and I hate that we can't change it. We can't change who we are now, even though I want too. We don't speak, we just wait. We wait for the knock on the door that is going to change our future. It is going to change us, our relationship, everything. We will never be able to go back after this. I did it, I made the call, I made the call to make him happy but in the process I have managed to make myself miserable. I have made a decision that is going to change my life forever. The longer I lay and wait for the knock on the door the more anxious I become. The more I wait, the more I think that I am making the wrong decision. That I am making this decision to make him happy but not myself. I haven't considered what I really want in this.

I don't think I have ever been destined to be happy. I have never meant to live a happy, loved, fulfilled life. When you are born to a mother and father who don't want you, who wanted rid of you, things are never meant to work out for you in the later years of your life. I couldn't even get my own parents to want me so what ever made me think I could make a man want me either. I was stupid to think I could ever be happy. I know some people would kill for what I have on the surface but if they scratched away at all the materialistic things I have they would see how unhappy I am deep inside. They would see how damaged my life is in reality. They would see how much of a mess everything is and then they wouldn't want it. It wouldn't be worth all this pain and misery even for the millions in the bank and the plush house and cars. I have never been happy. I wish I could be happy. You know blissful, complete, true happiness. I would give up all the fame and fortune just to be happy, just so we could be happy. I have never felt it, I have never felt happy and I only realise that as I lay here now waiting. I really did think that Harry made me feel like that at one time but now that all seems like a forgotten memory. It sounds like something I saw in book and not something I felt inside. It feels like it never happened. I can't help feeling that the man who lays beside me never truly made me happy. He certainly doesn't make me happy now.

We lay in silence and he doesn't speak or allow our bodies to touch. It's like if our skin touched that we would scold one another. We would burn each other. I don't want him to touch me though. This is the first time in a long time that I don't want him near me. I wish we weren't even in the same room. We wait for our drugs delivery, the delivery that will make him happy again. It will make him happy for a little while but the unhappiness will come out again soon enough. How did we go from being two strangers months ago to being the burden in each other's lives now? I really don't know how this happened. A sudden knock on the door makes me jump but Harry is up on his feet within seconds. I can see the anticipation and excitement on his face. He is ready for this, he is ready for his next hit. I slowly get up and my body feels like lead. It feels like it is weighing me down to try and stop me going through with this. It doesn't want me to do this but I don't have a choice. I have come too far now, we have come too far to back out.

I walk out of the bedroom and he follows closely behind me. I walk to the door and I take a deep breath as I open it. A shifty looking man stands at the other side of the door and he holds a package in his hands. He is trying to be discreet but he is anything but discreet. He holds the package out to me and I take it from him. We both know what's in this package but he doesn't comment on it. I am thankful for that. "Peter said he will be in touch about payment" he says and then he walks away. Peter knows he can trust me and he would rather collect payment himself from me so we can keep this as low key as possible. I quickly close the door and I hold the package tightly to my chest. I turn and Harry is practically stood on top of me. He is suddenly on top of the world because of what I hold in my hands. I don't feel on top of the world though, I feel low. I feel sick because I know I am about to go against everything I have ever believed in.