The Girl in the Mirror (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 71

Chapter 71

Sienna’s POV

I stare at him for a moment trying to register exactly what is happening. I can’t believe he has done this. I can’t believe he is still taking heroin. I feel like I could faint from the stress and strain as I stare at him. I am almost too scared to check if he is ok. What the hell would I do if he wasn’t? I rush to his side and I place my hands on his chest and I feel relieved as I feel it move up and down. I shake him roughly just wanting him to wake up. “Harry” I say desperately “Please Harry wake up”. I almost break down but I try to stay calm. I need to stay calm. He grunts and he pushes me away as he keeps his eyes closed. There’s a part of me that is relieved he is ok but then there is a part of me that feels completely crushed. I feel broken as I see the man I love disappearing before my eyes. He is becoming somebody I don’t know and I feel powerless to stop it. I slump down onto the floor beside him. I don’t know how much more I have to give. I don’t know how many more times I will be able to face this and how many more times I can just act like nothing has happened. I don’t think I can pretend that everything is ok anymore. It’s not ok, it couldn’t be any further from ok.

I watch him feeling like I am losing him. I am losing him to the corrupt, seedy world of drugs. I can’t stop it, I can’t stop him from taking them. He needs to want to stop and it doesn’t seem like he wants too. I’ve been in the same position as him though. I know how hard it is to get out. I know how hard it is to let go. I tried to walk away from cocaine so many times but deep down I didn’t want to stop so I went back. I kept going back over and over again. It was only when I wanted to stop that I was able too. Even though I said so many times that I wanted to stop I let it suck me back in time and time again. The drugs will never want to let you go, you have to be the one to let them go. The worse thing is though heroin is bigger and worse than anything I have ever done. I can’t even begin to understand what he is going through because that drug is on a bigger scale than anything I have ever known. I’ve met some low people in my time but even they avoided heroin. It’s a disgusting, dirty, vile, immoral drug. It’s the kind of drug scumbags take but not Harry. He shouldn’t be doing any drugs let alone heroin. He matters too much to do it, too many people care about him for it to be ok. I swear this is the last time he will take it, this is the last time he will do anything like this. I will do everything in my power to stop this from happening again.

“He’s fine” I jump startled as I hear the words. I look at the door and Daisy stands there watching us. What the fuck is she doing here? I should have known she would be here. She would have encouraged this. She would have led him down the wrong path. I quickly stand feeling enraged. I stand staring at her angrily. I hate this woman, I honestly truly hate her. “It’s only heroin” she tells me. She says it like heroin is nothing, like it is a walk in the park. I’m not stupid I know it isn’t ‘only’ heroin. I know what this drug does. It isn’t content with ruining the life of the person it has hold of, it ruins the lives of the people around them too. It destroys everything that person is or has until it kills them. It takes away everything you know about them as a person until they are nothing. It makes them a shell, not a human anymore. I know all about heroin being in the public eye. I’ve heard stories about so many people who have overdosed and died. They don’t just kill themselves, they kill the people around them too. Harry means too much to me and too many other people for him to play Russian roulette with his life. That’s what he is doing every time he takes heroin he is risking his life. How dare she say it’s just heroin? “What?” I ask half in disbelief and half in anger. I am ready to blow. I want to teach her a lesson. I want her to know she can’t just come in here and try to destroy Harry or what we have. She’s to blame for all of this. She is to blame for the Harry I barely recognise these days. The stupid skanky bitch! She has done this to him, she has ruined him. She has tarnished and corrupted the once innocent Harry I loved.

“Don’t try to act all innocent” she half laughs “You did this! You made him turn to drugs. It was you who broke him and all I’ve done is be there for him” she says as she points her finger at me. I feel the guilt creeping back in. I do feel partly to blame for this because the Harry I knew would never have done drugs when I first met him. She senses my doubt and she quickly takes advantage of that filling it with her poison. “You can’t just decide you love him again and come waltzing back in here expecting him to be the same person he was” she tells me “He’s a man now not a boy like he was when you knew him. He wants to try new things and I’m the one who is helping him with that” she states. She isn’t helping him, the only thing she is doing is leading him to an early grave. I don’t care what she says to me, she isn’t getting away with it anymore. I won’t let her do this, I’m the only one going to help him now. “You don’t care about him! You don’t even know him!” I snap. She laughs “What and you do?” she asks “You’re the girl who broke his heart and went off and loved another man” she states. “I didn’t” I say weakly as memories of Mitch come flooding through my mind. She knows my insecurities and she isn’t afraid to lay them out on the line for me to see.

“You didn’t care about him then did you?” she asks “I’ve been here all this time making him feel better. I picked up the broken pieces of him whilst you were off being fucked by someone else” she states. I feel my eyes well with tears as her words scold me. She has no idea what I went through, nobody knows what I went through. I didn’t deserve it, I didn’t deserve what Mitch did to me. Did I? She makes me doubt everything I have ever known. She smirks as she sees a stray tear leave my eye. “Truth hurts doesn’t it?” she asks. I don’t answer her though, I don’t even know what to say because I know she is partly right. “Face it bitch he’s always going to come back to me” she claims “Like he already has”. I look at her and I see the shine in her eyes, it’s like she knows she has got one over on me. I don’t want to know what but I need to know. “What?” I ask dreading her answer. “Did you really think I came here just to take drugs?” she asks. I just stare at her unable to speak, willing her not to say what I think she is going to say. “He can’t resist me. I’d only been here five minutes before he fucked my brain out” she claims. I feel like I am going to be sick as the thought of them together rushes through my mind. No not Harry, he wouldn’t do this. He wouldn’t do this to me. We have waited too long to be together again for him to waste that on a quick shag with some wannabe model.

“You’re lying” I state shaking my head. I shake my head needing to rid myself of the thoughts inside it. She laughs “I have no reason to lie and deep down you know that”. The sadness washes away and anger takes over. Does she really think it’s ok to boast about having sex with my boyfriend? She laughs and she heads back out of the living room. That’s when I lose it. I lose control and my anger comes steaming out. I haven’t felt like this in so long and it almost feels good that I can still feel like this. The old Sienna I had tried to keep buried inside me comes blazing out at 150 miles per hour. She wouldn’t take this sort of thing lying down and she isn’t about to start now. I feel like I have an outer body moment as I run after her. She’s walking down the hall and before I know it I have her hair wrapped around my hand and fingers. I rag her head from side to side hitting it against the staircase as I drag her to the floor. She has no chance of stopping me as my rage has no chance of ceasing. I hit her in the face over and over again. There is no stopping me, I am a woman enraged. She screams in desperation but I don’t stop. I just keeping hitting her over and over. I’m giving her exactly what she deserves. I am going to hurt her for not only hurting me and Harry but for hurting my friends Liam and Niall. She has changed Harry which has hurt everyone around him. She has made him lose friendships and relationships that really matter. I keep going as I think about Harry kissing her, as I think about him touching her skin and making love to her. The thought makes me want to vomit and I probably would if I wasn’t so invested in hurting her. She wants to claim Harry as her own but she never will with me around. He’s mine and she needs to remember that.

I continue my assault and I know I need to stop but it’s like the new rational Sienna is powerless against the old angry Sienna. There is no stopping her now she has been unleashed. I suddenly feel myself being dragged away from her. That’s when I realise Daisy isn’t here alone, all of his so called friends are here. I try desperately to get back to her like a crazed animal but I am held to firmly. I soon realise it’s Harry’s friend Russell, the one with the ridiculous blonde streaks in his hair that holds me against my will. Daisy stands and half of her extensions lay ripped out of her head on the floor. My anger starts to diminish as the rational Sienna comes back. I still feel pleased as I see the damage I have done to her hair and face. That will show the bitch. That will show her she can’t just come in and try to steal Harry from me. My arms start to hurt from how tightly Russell holds me, he holds me that tight I can barely move. “Fucking teach her a lesson” Russell demands as Daisy tries to smooth her hair down. He is another monster, he has pretended to be Harry’s friend but all he has done is encourage his drug habit. They’re both monsters. Daisy walks to me and she slaps me hard across the face. I am too built up with adrenaline to even feel it. It was worth that slap to have hurt her like I did. I wait for Russell to let me go now that she has ‘taught me a lesson’ but he doesn’t. I try to thrash against him but he is so much stronger than he looks and I start to feel scared. “Teach her a proper fucking lesson” he demands. What is she going to do to me?

Nick walks out of the kitchen eating toast so calmly and I can tell he is high. Daisy quickly stomps away to the kitchen. “What’s going on?” asks Nick oblivious to anything that has happened. He seriously needs to lay off the drugs. Russell doesn’t respond or speak to him. He just keeps hold of me tightly and Nick just stands there finishing his toast. It’s like he is in a dream world. I don’t say anything I just try to move out of Russell’s grip. He will let me go in a minute, he is just trying to scare me. Daisy walks back down the hall and I see her holding a needle in her hand. Russell laughs “Good idea” he states. I suddenly realise what she is going to do and what is in that needle. It’s heroin. She is going to give me heroin. I instantly start to thrash against Russell trying to escape him. “GET OFF ME!” I shout. This can’t be happening, this can’t be real. It’s no use in trying to escape him or screaming nobody is going to help me. “Please don’t do this” I say looking at Daisy but I should know by now that she’s a monster and she doesn’t care about me or anyone else. I look at Nick pleadingly and he stares wide eyed. He might be high but he knows this is wrong. “Daisy what are you doing?” he asks and I am relieved that he can see this isn’t right. “You can’t do this” he claims placing his hand on her shoulder making her stop in her tracks. “Why not?” she asks “Everyone on the music scene already knows she is a druggie! I’m just going to make it look like she has taken an overdose. We can leave her here to die and pretend we weren’t even here” she claims. I feel petrified as I realise she isn’t just going to give me heroin, she is going to make me overdose and die. She is going to make everyone think I am a heroin addict.

“You’re not thinking straight” Nick says “This is fucking crazy! Do you realise what you are even saying?” he asks. She laughs insanely “Don’t you see this is the only way for me to get Harry back”. He turns her to face him roughly “This isn’t a fucking game!” he snaps “This is someone’s life! If you do this you’ll be a murderer. You will have to live with this for the rest of your life” he says firmly. She shrugs “It’ll be worth it” she claims. I have had more than nine lives with all the drugs and alcohol that I have taken over the years. It finally feels like this is it, this is my last life and this is how it’s going to end for me. “You don’t need to do this. Harry is nearly yours again anyway” he tells her “He will come back to you soon but you don’t need to do it this way”. She looks at me then she looks back to Nick as she registers his words. She suddenly shakes her head “No he’s going to forget me now she’s back. My career was just kicking off with him around. I need him back to help with that” she states. I hate her even more now as I realise all she wants from Harry is his fame and probably his money too. She doesn’t love him, not how I do. She just wants him for her own benefit, I wish he could see that. “He won’t” Nick states “We know him better than that” he says. Russell suddenly lets me go and it takes me a minute to realise it. “Nick’s right Daisy. We can’t do this” he says. The moment I realise I am free I rush as fast as I can out of the house. I keep running for as long as my body will allow me too. I am terrified and I don’t stop running until I am convinced they are not following me. I stop to catch my breath desperately as I hold on to a nearby wall. What the hell am I going to do now?

Liam’s POV

I drive down the street slowly searching both sides of the road. My vision feels slightly blurred because I was half asleep when I got her phone call. I’m probably still over the limit but I couldn’t wait for a taxi. She was too hysterical, I had to get here quickly to make sure she was ok. I can only imagine Harry has been horrible to her and caused a fight. I really thought we were seeing a new side to him but it’s clear to see he hasn’t changed. He is still being an arsehole. There’s no excuse anymore though. He has Sienna back and that’s what we all blamed his change in behaviour on. We all thought it was because they weren’t together anymore but I honestly don’t know what his problem is anymore. He is taking Sienna for granted. He really doesn’t deserve her and I never thought I’d think that. She has changed though, she has become a kind, caring woman and Harry seems to have become the opposite. He’s going to lose her and I hope he realises that before it’s too late.

I see someone stood at the end of the street and as I drive nearer I am relieved it’s Sienna. I’m glad she managed to at least give me the right street she was on. She quickly rushes to the car and she climbs inside. I can tell she has been crying and she is shaking. It’s cold outside so I’m not sure if she is shaking from the cold or because she is scared. I lock the doors from inside the car and I turn the heating up. “Is everything ok?” I ask concerned. She starts to cry as she shakes her head. I try to comfort her the best I can. It’s hard to know what to do when the other person isn’t overly affectionate. I stroke her arm and before I know it she has her arms wrapped around my neck and she sobs into my chest. I don’t say a word. I just hold her and I let her cry. We stay like this for several minutes and I don’t attempt to move. I want her to know that she can open up to me anytime she wants. That’s what friends are for and we are definitely friends now.

“Please can we go back to yours?” she asks as she tries to hold in her tears. “Course” I say and she pulls away from me. She sits back in her seat and I can tell she is embarrassed that she has cried so openly to me but I won’t judge her. I’d never judge her for being human. I start to drive and she just stares out of her window at the passing houses and scenery. Silence fills the car but it isn’t awkward. It doesn’t feel awkward between us. It doesn’t take us long to get to my apartment because the traffic is quiet. I drive into the underground car park and I park my car in my usual space. I get out of the car and I rush round to help her out of her side. Who would have thought that me and Sienna would have formed a friendship? That she would have turned to me when she was upset. I never would have predicted that but I’m glad it’s happened. I’m glad she has me and I have her because I need a friend just as much as she does. She follows me through the car park and I use my pin number to get inside my building. She doesn’t speak even when we are safely inside and in the lift up to my floor. We reach the top floor and I lead her to my door. I unlock my apartment door and I wish I’d had a chance to clean up before I rushed out to help her.

She looks around admiring my apartment and I know what she is thinking. My place is a lad’s pad. That’s the way it has always been though. I couldn’t imagine it being any different nor do I want it to be. She takes a seat on the edge of my corner sofa. I walk into my kitchen and I boil the kettle. I hope by giving her a couple of minutes alone she will have a chance to calm down. I’m sure the cup of tea I make her will help as well. I make a good cup of tea. I hope she knows she can come here anytime she wants. Even when the tour has finished. I want to be her friend forever not just for a couple of months. I add an extra sugar to her cup hoping the sweetness of the tea will relax her. I just want her to open up to me. I want her to know she can trust me. She can, I won’t betray her. I won’t hurt her not like Harry has.

Sienna’s POV

I stare around Liam’s apartment. I like that it reflects him and his personality so well. It even manages to take my mind off Harry and what happened at his house. I feel safe here, I feel safe with Liam. He will look out for me, I know he won’t let anything bad happen to me. He walks in not long after with two cups of tea in his hands. I take one from him and I hold it with both hands as I enjoy the warmth from it. I take a small sip and the warmth and sweetness from it makes me feel a little better than I did before. He sits down beside me with his own cup of tea in his hand. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he asks calmly. I look at him and I can see the kindness and care in his eyes. I want to confide in him but I honestly have no idea where to start. I want to tell him everything. I want to tell him about Harry and the drugs. I want to tell him what happened at Harry’s house tonight. I even want to tell him what happened with Mitch but I’m scared. I’m scared of opening up to him or anyone else. What if I can’t trust him? What if he betrays me like so many have before? I’m so use to the people around me letting me down and I don’t think I could face it if Liam did the same.

“You can trust me Sienna” he says. I sigh “Harry and I got into a fight” I tell him. It is partly true because I’m that mad at him if he was awake we would have fought. I would have told him how selfish he is and how much I hate what he is doing to us and to him. I would tell him how he has broken me by sleeping with Daisy but I don’t think he would even feel remorse for it. Liam nods knowingly. I imagine he had already assumed this was the case in his head. He is too nice to say it though. “What about?” he asks. This should be my chance to tell Liam about Harry’s drug taking but I don’t. I don’t want to tell anyone because then if I do it’s real. If I say it out loud then Harry really does have a problem. “I don’t want to talk about it” I tell him. He doesn’t get annoyed or push me to talk. I like that about him. He just lets me say things when I want to say them. “It’s all going to be ok” he assures me and I wish I could believe him. I give him a small smile wishing he knew the full story but I’m the one who can’t tell him everything. I’m the one who is keeping things from him and everyone else. When in reality they all have a right to know. “The best thing to do is to get some sleep and then go talk to him in the morning. You’ll both be thinking more rationally then and you’ll have had a chance to calm down by then” he says. He always speaks so rationally. I could have done with having him around for advice in the past. He might be a young man but has a good, smart head on his shoulders.

“You can stay here tonight if you want” he offers. I’m relieved that he would let me stay because I can’t go home and I can’t go back to Harry’s. I nod as I continue to drink my tea. He makes a really good cup of tea. I wish I could be with Harry tonight but being around him when he is high and a mess isn’t a good idea. I can’t recover properly myself being around someone who takes drugs so blatantly. “You’ll have to share my bed though” Liam says “Is that ok?” he asks sheepishly. If it was any other man I would say no. If it was any other man I would doubt their morals. If it was any other man I wouldn’t be spending the night with him but it’s Liam. I know he wouldn’t do anything like that because he knows I love Harry. He knows my body, mind and soul all belong with Harry. He wouldn’t try anything with me. He wouldn’t jeopardise the friendship we have built. “That’s fine” I tell him. I wouldn’t ruin what Harry and I have now for a quick hook up with some other guy. I’m nothing like Harry. I wouldn’t cheat on him at the first chance I get. I love him too much for that, I just wish he felt the same.

Harry’s POV

I open my eyes slowly and the light hurts my eyes. Oh fuck my head hurts and my body is aching. I slowly sit up and I realise I am covered in sick. It is literally everywhere. It’s on my top, in my hair and even my skin. I feel disgusting as the sick has dried onto me and I realise it is all over my sofa. It’s even all over the floor. I need to be careful in future. I need to make sure I don’t choke on my own sick. I suppose I’m lucky that I’m usually with someone when I take it. I know Daisy and them lot wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me. I see the needle I used last night laying on the floor and I instantly start to worry. Fuck! What if Sienna saw it? What if she knows I’ve been taking heroin? I don’t want her to know about that part of my life. She doesn’t need to know about that part of my life.

I stand up and my body aches as I wonder where Sienna even is. Did she go home? I quickly pick the needle up and I dispose of it. I can’t have her finding it. My entire house is a mess and it stinks. It’s like a real shit hole. There’s no sign of Daisy or the others either so I can only assume they left last night after I took a hit. I should get in the shower and clean myself up first but I need to know where Sienna is and where she stayed last night. I find my phone in the kitchen and I see I have numerous missed calls from her and the guys. I imagine they tried to call me last night when I never went back to Louis and Eleanor’s. I press to call her number and I wait as it starts to ring. It rings a few times and then she answers. “Hello” she says and I can tell she has just woken up. “Where are you?” I ask. I need to know whether she saw anything last night. “Liam’s” she says. It takes me a minute to register what she says. Did she say Liam’s? “You’re at Liam’s?” I ask. My anger starts to build up as I wait for her to confirm what she just said. “Yes he let me stay” she says. She’s been fucking Liam has she? She doesn’t waste any time the dirty fucking bitch! I don’t give her another chance to speak. I just hang up the phone as I am so furious. I punch my fist into one of my kitchen cupboards making a huge hole in it. How the fuck could she do this?

I storm into my living room and I kick the door angrily. She better not even think about coming back here because if she does I will lose my shit. I will do something we will both regret. I knock the bottles and ashtray off my coffee table as I search desperately for a joint. I quickly grab what I am looking for and I light it. I take a long drag to try and calm myself down but it’s no use. I swear nothing is going to calm me down. I can’t rid myself of the thoughts in my head. I can’t stop thinking about Liam kissing her lips. I can’t rid myself of the image of him touching her naked body. I can’t stop thinking of them looking into one another’s eyes. It makes me want to be sick. How could she do this to me? How could he do this to me?

I feel slightly better once I have had a shower but I’m still angry. I drink from a bottle of vodka to try and rid myself of thoughts of Sienna and Liam together. My house is still a mess but I don’t care. I’m going to America today so my cleaner can sort the mess out. I lay down on my bed holding my vodka bottle tightly. I need it, I need something to let this anger go. I can’t take heroin though not when I have a flight to get on. I hear my front door open and then it shuts quietly. I know it’s Sienna. I just lay here waiting for her to come up here. I wait for her to appear so I can tell her exactly what I think of her. I hear her footsteps on my stairs. I wait for her to appear and for her to spill out her usual fucking lies. I turn my head and she is stood at the door looking at me. She is wearing the same clothes as she had on last night. Tramp. I turn away from her disgusted. I can’t even look at her let alone speak to her.

She just stands there playing with her bracelet nervously but I don’t give her the attention she clearly craves. It is only going to take one wrong word from her to make me blow. “Hi” she says simply and she pauses waiting for me to respond. I say nothing. “How are you feeling?” she asks. I still say nothing. Does she not understand that I don’t want to speak to her? “I came back here last night” she starts and I instantly tense up. I know what this means before she even says it. “I saw you, I saw everything” she says. I sit up angrily as I look at her and I leave the vodka bottle laying on the bed. “Saw what?” I ask harshly. She didn’t see anything! “I saw you practically unconscious on the sofa. I saw the used empty needle beside you on the floor” she tells me. Fuck! I knew this would happen, I knew she would find out. All I can imagine though is her running to Liam and telling him what she saw. “Was that before or after you shagged Liam?” I ask angrily. She instantly looks offended as she takes in my words. She obviously didn’t realise I’d know what she has been up too. “What?” she asks upset “I’ve not done anything like that” she lies. I know she is lying and she can’t convince me otherwise.

“Don’t fucking lie you cheap whore” I snap “I know you better than you think”. “You don’t know me well enough then” she claims. I do though, I know her better than anyone. “Don’t try and make this about me Harry. I know all about the heroin” she states “Why are you doing it?” she asks. I would never expect her to understand. She doesn’t know how it feels, she has never done it. She has no clue how good it makes me feel. It makes me feel better than she could ever make me feel. “Shut up!” I snap “You don’t know anything” I tell her. I stand and she stares back at me. “I just want to help you. I want to make everything better” she claims. I laugh sarcastically. Does she really think I am going to fall for this shit? “You’re not making things better. You are making them worse” I say firmly. “Don’t push me out” she practically begs “I can help you. I can help you get off the drugs. We can go to America and get you clean” she tells me. Does she not get it? Does she not understand that I don’t want to get clean? I like it, I like what it does to me. I like how it makes me feel.

“I don’t want your help” I tell her “You’ve been too busy fucking my mate to be there for me”. I want her to know that all she has ever been to me is a burden. She has only ever brought pain and unhappiness to me. I hate her for that. “I would never do anything like that to you” she says hurt. I lose it. She has said the wrong thing and I just lose it. I rush to her and she jumps back in fear but I grab her arms anyway. “YOU ALREADY FUCKING DID!!!!!” I scream at her. I see how frightened she is and I lower my voice. “You fucked off with Mitch. You left me and you never gave me a proper reason why. You broke my fucking heart” I cry. I have wanted to say this to her for so long but I haven’t had the chance. I haven’t felt like I could until now. It feels good to finally say how I feel and to say how she made me feel. “I’m sorry” she cries. She doesn’t get it though. She doesn’t get that sorry isn’t good enough, not anymore. “I want you out” I tell her as I pull her by her arm roughly. I can’t even look at her, let alone have her in here with me. “Please Harry no” she whimpers as she tries to pull away from me. I’m like a man possessed though and no amount of begging and crying from her is going to change my mind. I just want her out. “GET OUT!” I shout at her as I drag her down the stairs. I drag her to the door and she keeps begging me not to do this. She has left me with no choice though. She has left me with no choice but to throw her out into the gutter. “Harry I need you please don’t do this” she cries. “Fuck off back to Liam or Mitch” I snarl as I start to open the door. She falls onto the floor crying and then she says three words that stop me in my tracks. “Mitch raped me”.