Flaws in Fanfics Percy Jackson Edition

Judgement #1

But these people aren't important, at least, not to this story.

I can see this was from the middle of some story...eh

No. In this story, we were going to focus on a small, cinder block home on the side of the highway.

What's cinder block ? Yeah I know I'm stupid...even if I get good grades.

Inside this house, there lives a muscular man with blonde hair, Brown eyes, a beard, and a beer belly.

And what's a beer belly...I feel like Harry when he's with Hermione

A beautiful woman with brown hair, swamp green eyes, a kind smile, and a motherly figure.

Sounds like a female Makoto
I love the details and everything...it's quite descriptive

A small girl with blonde hair, brown eyes, a chubby stomach, and innocent eyes. Then there's a boy. A teenager to be exact. He was about 5"8, he wasn't scrawny, but he didn't have muscle either.He had light brown hair, freckles, and brown eyes with swamp green within them. This boys name, was Jake Moore.

Again...the details are amazing...it's drawing me in

Jake Moore was like any fifteen year old in his school. He played video games, tossed the ball around, made innapropriate jokes, and ate. A lot.

Isn't that every boy in the world...JOIN THE HUNT...but we couldn't fangirl...OK THEN JOIN THE AMAZONS

He had his fair share of friends, both male and female, and even some in between. A few girls had a crush on him, even his best friend. But he never dated. He has never dated a girl in fact. But this isn't because he's rude, he's just never liked girls. Why? Because he's gay.

Hmm so bara...or is it yaoi...or is it fluffy and is shonen-ai

Now is isn't that strange, expecially now a days. But Jake's father, the man mentioned before, is very homophobic.

...why

And unlike others, instead of just feeling disappointed, he would probably take a more.. violent approach.

Woah bro....hehehehehe I'm all for violence but please dude lay off the abuse
Anywho
It's very descriptive and...yeah I liked it...great job
SEE IM NOT ALWAYS PESSIMISTIC
I CAN BE POSITIVE