No More Running

Home... Getting back together?

"Congratulation honey!" I gave Carrie one final hug before she was laughingly pulled into the white BMW by her loving yet impatient new husband, Lawrence.

"I will see you soon!" She poked her head out the window and threw at me her bouquet. I caught it easily and laughed, waving at her. I stood there waving until I could not see her wedding car anymore. I turned and handed the bouquet to the nearest bridesmaid. She took it from me with a huge smile and turned to the guy standing next to her. I smiled and stepped into the ball room of the hotel where we had the wedding reception to pick up my purse and coat.

"You look beautiful..." I turned too quickly to that I felt dizzy for a moment. His hand shot out to steady me. I looked up and took a deep breath and stepped out of his reach. His eyes darkened.

"Thank you..." I said. I took another step back. I avoided him the whole time today and it looks like I ran out of luck again. He stepped forward.

"You caught the bouquet." He stated. I was thrown off for a moment that he saw that when I thought he was not there.

"I gave it to one of the bridesmaids" I countered immediate. He frowned.

"I... It was not for me." I hesitated. "I have to go." I said before he said anything and turned. I was relieved that he did not follow me.

* * *

"Yes, yes. I am finalizing the final paper to sell the house." I replied into the phone irritated. This was the fourth time I got my manager's call. It was painful enough to sell the house that held a lot of memories when I was growing up. My deceased parents bought me this house before they passed on years ago. I was literally adopted into Carrie's home when my parents died in a car crash when I was ten. This was also the house that me and Alec were supposed to live in when we were supposedly married, but that was all in the past now. I have to move on. The realtor came around yesterday for the final look at the place and I have already sent the things I did not want to sell into storage.

"I am finally leaving for good." I stated out loud. My voice echoed around the now empty room except for the king size bed that I have decided needs to be sold along with the house and of course the luggage I brought with me for the wedding. It was by the door, ready to be pulled out with me. That was when I noticed a pair of legs standing right beside my luggage. My heart almost stopped when I looked up and saw Alec. He looked angry and... sad? He scanned me from head to toe for a few minutes. It was like I was being judged and found guilty all over again. With him here, selling the house felt wrong. I tried to smile but tears started welling up my eyes. I looked away and blink furiously. I heard his soft footstep coming towards me.

"Leaving for good?" He asked softly. I looked back at him and was surprised he was very close to me now. I automatically took a step back. His hands reached out and grabbed me around my waist. He pulled me close.

"Never coming back?" He asked again.

"I..." My phone rang. I considered not to answer the damn phone but when I could not stand his striking eyes on me any longer, answering the phone was my only option. I pulled the annoying phone and muttered, 'excuse me'. I turned my back on Alec.

"Hello Liam." I answered. This was the fifth time Liam, my manager called me.

"I will arrive at the airport by eleven at night tomorrow... can you..."I never finished my sentence when I saw my phone was snatched from my already unsteady hand and flung to the wall. It crashed into pieces. I was still in shock when I was pulled around into his arm.

"You met another man." He stated roughly. I shook my head and tried to push away.

"Alec..." I started but it was lost as his lips claimed mine. Silencing all my protest and all of the hurt.

"It was easy for you to move on now, but look what it did to me." He said as he pulled away. His voice full of emotion. Emotions that I wished for and waited for. His lips claimed mine once again and my struggle ceases as I felt that this might be the only time I could feel him and claims his emotion as mine. My tears fell with its finality. I know this will be over before soon. I wanted a part of him to be with me to sustain me through the future without him anymore.

I surrendered and left my barriers come crumbling down. I set my emotion and all my love free. My body relaxed. He deepened his kiss and his hands gentled as they continued cradling my wet cheeks. I lifted my arms around him. I felt his body relaxed and took me a few step back. We sank into the soft, waiting bed.

* * *

"You were a virgin!" He said pulling away from me. I froze.

"Dawn... Damn it! " He stood up and started pulling on his clothes. I scrambled to stand and winch as I felt the soreness from our lovemaking. His eyes narrowed. He was furious again.

"Dawn, why didn't you tell me about this?" He demanded angrily. He thrust his fingers into his tousled hair. His eyes never leaving me as I tried as fast as I could to get dressed. I straightened.

"How could I tell you Alec...?" My eyes searched his face. His eyes stilled on my face. His hands lifted but as if he had a second thought he dropped it to his side again.

"W...was it that... horrible?" The last word I could only manage to whisper.

"Horrible?!" He was astounded. I closed my eyes and swallowed, preparing for the worse.

"Alec... I promise you." I finally said. I took another deep breath.

"I never meant to lie or hurt you. Not now or ever. I was young... and selfish. Today may be a mistake to you... but to me... it is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. I... I am still immature by y... your standards but please... please Alec, just once... forget... forget that I am that girl who lied to you." I begged him.

"What are you trying to say?" He asked. I sighed.

"Pretend that I am someone else that you love..." I requested. He took a step back and his eyes clouded. It was over. I smiled sadly. I untangled my nervous fingers from each other. I curled my short hair around my ear.

"I am so sorry..." I walked up to him one last time, I reached out gently. I stroke his cheeks with all the love I could show and stepped back. I turned to walk out but his next word stopped me beyond anything else.

"She died, Dawn..." He said quietly. "Angela... she died in my arms. You were desperate because you did not want me to move in with her and lied. She was desperate to hold on to me and slit her wrist. She lost a lot of blood. She died the day after the wedding, in my arms, at the hospital." He mournfully said. I turned to look at him. My brain was still processing the information. I searched his face. I will never win his love. How can I compete with a ghost?

"Alec... I will forever be the cause of your loved one's death. I will never be able to take her place. I am sure of that... now. I know saying I am sorry for what I have done will never undo the pain I have caused you. I only hope that one day... one day... at least if we ever cross path again we could put all the past behind and live our lives peacefully." I said, I felt calm descended on my shoulder.

"I love you, please know that I sincerely meant her no harm and I never meant to be the cause of your pain." I concluded. After a while...

"I forgive you... and ask that you forgive me too." He replied.

* * *

With a heavy heart, I turned the lock and the click sealed my final good bye to the house I once called home.