Reality Check

REALITY CHECK : To the guy I have yet met

I don't know how to start this shit. You see, I'm not into mushy stuff like this. I'm not the showy type or the clingy type of girl; I rarely show intimacy and say 'I love you' or compliment you and talk about how I like how your eyes have been rendered so perfectly and how your smile was the most beautiful line I have ever seen.

Despite these, my heart was the hopeless romantic type. Yeah, I know, so contradicting. But that's how I am. I am both the saint and the bitch, the devil and the angel. I hope you don't mind - No, let me rephrase that. I hope you would love me for that.

I like flowers but don't give me picked flowers, bouquets, or stemmed roses placed in a vase. It would make me sad thinking that they've lost their chance to grow wild and free in the meadow just because you wanted to woe me. But if you really wanted to give me a flower, well, just make sure you wouldn't compromise their life.

I like cute puppies and kittens but I am afraid of them. You see, I've grown this fear of being bitten by animals so I really shake in horror when I see one up close, alive or dead. Yes, I still would not dare to touch or walk near a dog even when it's already dead - my survival instincts are screaming that it might stand up and attack me as a zombie and that would be much worse than rabbis. I'm very open with possibilities, you know. So I settle with stuffed animals. They might not be as adorable and as lively but at least they wouldn't be able to bite me and infect me with rabbis. Plus they're fluffy and soft so I could cuddle with them all night. I love to hug something when I'm trying to relax.

I like chocolates and ice creams and strawberries and muffins and cakes. There are no buts in that one.

I like fancy dates but that doesn't mean you need to take me in a fine dining restaurant with overpriced foods. A box of pizza and a warm blanket at the back of your truck would do; or at least on a not-so-bushy grassland if you don't have a car. Yes, somewhere not so bushy because I hate snakes more than any other life forms, be it a slithering reptile or a walking mammal. I would love to cuddle and talk about everything with you while waiting for a shooting star to cross the sky. We could laugh all night until our stomach no longer have a space for air. Don't worry, I won't judge you if ever you fart.

I like adventures - part of it means hiking and swimming and sight-seeing but most of it means sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and a good book. You see, books are like a time traveling device which could teleport you to the worlds even a GPS or a GNSS could not locate. I like books more than movies. I would rather go in a bookstore to check on a newly released book by my favorite author than in a cinema to see a blockbuster movie. Unless, of course, if the actor is Johnny Depp. But really, I like how books could make me fall in each word and fall harder in each phrase. I hope we could share an adventure, be it in the world of known reality or in the world between each page.

When we'll go out on a date and you think it'll rain, don't bring an umbrella. We could always share mine, you know. But if ever I forgot to bring mine, well, how hard could it be to have a great moment under the rain with you? I especially like the beach when it's raining. It is like a variegation of extreme beauties. We should visit one with a waterproof camera some time.

Amusement parks are always the best destination for me aside from mountain peaks and sea shores. The height and acceleration of the rides always thrill my inner goddess. I like the view from up top. I always wanted to fly, like literally speaking fly, that's why. Plus, of course, I would like to hear you scream like the girls in a horror movie.

I think couple shirts and and shits like that are corny, they're too mushy and showy. But I want one anyway. I think it's sweet when you try to show the world that we belong together in simple things like that.

I don't like surprises but I know how to appreciate. It flutters my heart whenever someone makes me feel special, might it be grand or simple. I would appreciate your effort when you'll hire a band for me. But I would appreciate your sincerity if you're the one singing a song for me. Perhaps with you playing a piano or a guitar while 'reciting' the lyrics of the song. And of course I would laugh at your singing voice, it would be so not me if I wouldn't tease you. But after that, you would witness the most honest smile I could ever show to anyone. Because what mattered in that moment was the voice of your heart talking to my soul through your eyes.

I hope that in a hall full of pretty girls dressed in fine silk and glittering jewels, you would still choose to dance with me, the girl in plainest shirt and dirty sneakers. I am a terrible dancer, if I may add, but I hope you would still offer me your hand and invite me to glide with you even when you know that I might step on your toes in almost every sway we take.

I value trust more than any other. I like it better if you'll tell me the truth even if it would cut a deep wound. It's easier to heal a wounded ego than a wounded trust. You see, a wound in the trust would always cause an infection in all parts of the relationship. Once you lied to me, even in the slightest way possible, I would end up questioning the truth in each of your action, the sincerity in your words.

Reading this, maybe you'll say I am so demanding and weird. Of course I am. I might be the weirdest, craziest, most demanding girl you would ever meet. I have a heaven-high standard and a hell of an attitude. But believe me, these standards wouldn't matter in love.

Problem is that I rarely give chances. You see, I am afraid to be another fool in love. I know, I am just another coward... but I could be brave enough for you. However, it would take a lot of everything to convince me to fight for you.

Look, I am not asking you to prove to me that you won't break my heart and cut it into pieces. I am asking you to prove to me that you would be worth the pain, that you would be worth the courage and the love and all the emotions I could ever invest.

Because, darling, when I grant a chance, I would provide you all the luxury to win no matter what -- even if it means I would be the one to lose. So, prove to me, prove to me that I won't regret putting my all in the line. Because when I love, I love hard and whole -- no reservations and no regrets... Even if there's this possibility that I would be left with nothing in the end.

I am just me and I am not much. You may not find me perfect or gorgeous or cool. But I hope that your heart would say that I am worth the try, that I am worth the risk. Even if I am not as pretty as the other girls or I am not as witty, I hope you would still look deep into my eyes and tell me how much I mean to you.

I know, I know, that it is the universe which you desire. But all I could offer you is a world... My world.

Now, now, yours to decide, would that be worth all the trouble you'll dare to face?

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REALITY CHECK
WRITTEN BY NATHALIE REGACHO
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.