HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF (Completed)

How I (part 11)

I can't explain how difficult it was for me to be around that many people in my law course, to study, to silence the chaos that was going on around me. The only person I had was God, I realized how the small amount of people I told in college about how I was feeling didn't understand and how I was just a girl that didn't matter all over again.

Everyone cared about their studies and their own lives so how dear I come, trying to plant myself somewhere within their lives. After I tried and tried with people, I died in silence. I would come home and cry, sometimes because I felt alone and other times for no apparent reason, reasons that linked closely towards other people's emotions.

I started to have these random ideas in my mind, ideas and thoughts that made so much sense. Ideas and thoughts I always wanted to share with other people. Who better to share them with than you guys.

God does not inflict but he allows. What I mean by this is that when an individual dedicate their life to God after committing countless sins, God will be very open to accept the apologies and accept that the person is willing to change and be at their aid. However, the Lord wants to be sure that your faith in him is strong. He will allow the devil to do what he is so very good at and then he will jump in when he is needed.

This cycle will continue to happen unless you realise that there is no one for you but God. Satan can change everyone around if they allow it but God will always be for you, he just needs your loyalty, your obedience e.t.c.

My faith started to fall, I got upset at people and my language was foul. The moment this was within existence in my life, the more I was not at one with myself and the more I realized that things got worst.

I couldn't hear God anymore, I lost all the positivity that I had worked hard for. The devil was wining and I was slowly dying, I realised that if there was anything that I was going to do right I was going to try my best in those assignments. Try pushing all those things that bothered me personally and just focus on what God wanted from me.

Whilst I was typing up my assignments, I realized how easy everything seemed although from a person on the outside it would be quiet difficult. I was trying and that was what God needed from me, although I was scared that I couldn't hear him anymore I was still trying and that was good enough for him.

He didn't blame me for acting in the way I did because he knows I've endured a lot, but my will and my drive was what I needed to tap into, to have him as close to me as I had before. Having been through that much, all you will ever think about is giving up on everything and completely shutting down, while it was difficult to do, I realised that he brought me so far I am not giving up on him and myself.

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Thank you for reading.