HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF (Completed)

how I (my sociopath) part 4

-idealized
-devalue <
- discard

Everybody has their favourite words and or phrases that they use with people they are comfortable with. Now, these phrases I sometimes used cannot possibly be held as something completely weird, that could hold anyone aside with embarrassment once commented on as down right weird.

As a writer completely obsessed with perfection and how I come off in the eyes of others through my words, this opinion did strike completely at absurdity. To top that off, I was quiet reasonable that day. So I wanted to converse in a wider sense, in that he goes into details about the other things he did not like about me and why the current ones appeared as weird in his eyes.

Of course this threw him off, he wanted to jump over planes and dive under water to get away from it. It was conspicuous that he no longer was in control and this built excitement within me.

He was saying that my weirdness and craziness was a good kind. He wanted to keep the fact that his insults affected me as well as keeping me quiet with a form of pity compliment. He should have known I was never going to let it go, especially because I was on to him in a way that day.

He ended up admitting that those were just opinions without an explanation/ background for them and that he did not want to talk about it anymore. Then I felt his mood drop and the length of his text reduced.

Often times there would be random moments where I would feel that there was something off about him mentally. That he wasn't a normal guy that functioned normally, and this feeling would pitch in every now and again.

This next moment happened after the day when we exchanged poetic lines. That day we completely bonded, I was sucked in by complete bliss and I could feel every bit of him. I knew in that moment I had all his attention, it felt as though he was near even though he was far. Even in that moment he was moderately rude and cocky.

The next day came and I knew I lost him, every bit of him. I didn't have to get this through his messages, as soon as he came online and type the first message, a normal message. I knew he was gone, it all went downhill down the line of texts. He was detached from the conversation, detached from me and himself.

In a moment like that you could feel locked out and unimportant. I don't exactly remember the things he said in that moment. However, his energy was tugging strangely at the strings of sympathy. It was almost like he was a little child that needed his mommy.

The following day he told me that he couldn't explain what happened. That it had never happened before, that usually he could mess with someone and then come up from it, but this time he was stuck. According to him, I did something to him which I thought was quiet funny.

Whether he was being rude that day and then went into a complete state of detachment, I can't recall. However that day was completely and utterly weird even until this day.

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Thank you for reading. Love yourself. There will be moments in between or at the end, or possibly both. Where I will talk to you directly about how to recover, if you aren't like me, a narcissist playing a sociopath with zero chances of getting affected.