HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF (Completed)

How I (part 9)

Having experienced this, it made my days a lot harder to get through. Due to this fact, I ended up going to the doctors to see if there was any way that this feeling could go away.

They told me that stress could be the cause of my experience with depersonalization and that there was nothing they could do. Except to advise me to take it easy, somewhere deep inside, it felt like this had an attachment to something else.

From my memory, this lasted for maybe a week or two. Afterwards or during, I started to feel heat coming from the palm of my right hand. It would choose to heat up around certain people or when I was alone. There would be some redness involved and my palm would tingle.

At this moment I remembered grandma telling me that I use to heal her when I was younger. She said I didn't take it seriously because I always giggled or laugh when she told me that I healed her. Now I knew exactly what that was so I could relax.

Closely behind, I found that there was something strange about my surroundings. I noticed I was alerted and connected to everything, and I even felt strange on the inside as if something unlocked. As if I was becoming a different person, or a more enhanced human being.

I would go out in public and it would be so overwhelming to the point where I feel as though I was going to pass out. Looking at each individual, it was like I knew their stories, it was like I could feel their pain.

At this point I was far beyond confused, this was until I started being around small amounts of people at a time. I realized how my mood would change according to the moods of these individuals. I found this to be the starting point of a well needed research, so I typed it into Google and it came up with EMPATH. I needed to see how well this would describe the confusion of the things that was now happening to me, it was spot on and I started to relax, knowing that I am indeed not crazy and that there was a logical explanation to all that was happening.

I didn't know how things were going to go after this, in fact I didn't think how hard this was going to be either. You feel as though you don't have your own emotions, your body is taken over by other people's emotions instead. You are happy when they are happy, suicidal when they are suicidal, inlove when they are in love, tearful when they are tearful. Your emotions just revolves around others, period. I knew this because whenever they would leave my side, the emotions would slip away with them.

I feel a million emotions a day, none of them has no connection to what my problems were if I had any. I pretty much have to deal with them, act on them as if they really were my own, and it feels exactly like they were my own.

Living in a world where people are so defensive, you get little to no confirmation as to if the emotions belongs to them or not. This results in frustration for me, especially when it's obvious that it's theirs and they won't so much as to speak up because they think you have too much of a grasp on them.

I know when people lie to me, I can feel it. It has its own distinctive feeling that allows me to connect to it, to know that it was a lie.

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Thank you for reading. Love yourself.