Abolishing the Syndrome (#Wattys2016)

Dylan

We talked again today. She walked up to me during lunch, and asked me whether I had her notebook. Everybody at the canteen was staring at us, but she didn't give a damn. She talked to me just like she would have with anybody else. There's just something unique about her. She see's the world in a different way, which is what makes her special.

I just hope I didn't offend her when I told her that it was her fault for crashing into me. I guess I didn't, because she just smiled at me when I told her that, and besides I was being honest. Although I'm not able to differentiate whether her smile was a sarcastic one or just a normal one.

Apart from that, my day wasn't that great altogether. I got detention, again.
I wonder why I haven't been expelled yet. Getting detention four times in a month is definitely something. The reason I gave for not submitting the history assignment was that I didn't have a partner. Like a fool I thought that I'd get away, but instead I was asked to be Chris Baan's partner.

He's coming over tomorrow although I don't want him anywhere near my house. Next thing you know, he's spreading all shit about me in school. Not that I have a good reputation, but I don't want a bad name against my family. They've suffered enough because of me.

When I was 11, I took some pills and tried to kill myself. The most surprising thing is that I still remember that exact place and moment. I came back from school and there was no one at home. I opened mom's drawer and there was a yellow box. I opened it, and without blinking I just gulped it.

Everything was starting to get blurry. I looked at my hand, there ware still three pills left. They were some blue coloured pills, and they were cylindrical in shape. I moved my hand upwards to gulp them, and suddenly mom appeared from no where and pushed my hand away. I don't remember anything that happened later.

When I woke up I was in the hospital, curled up in a corner and my mother was sitting beside me, crying. I didn't know then what to do so I just went back to sleep. She must've been really worried, because nothing like this had ever happened before. On top of that she had to take care of Sophie, who was just three years old then.

I don't really understand what to do when people are sad. I don't feel the pain that others do. Which is one of the reasons why my mom doesn't share some of the deep stuff with me. I wouldn't even understand if she did. I guess people cry because they need a medium to vent out their anger and sadness.

Sometimes I feel like a robot, who doesn't have any emotions. Even if I feel something, I don't know how to express it. Happiness, comes rarely, and when it does it doesn't last long. Anger fades away after a while. Sadness is written then all over my face. There's just one thing that never leaves me, and never will, loneliness.

~

Sitting her in the class all by myself and enduring the boredom of detention, makes me wonder whether I should apply for a college or not. There's hardly any moths left for graduation. And I don't want to be a burden for my mom and live with her for the rest of my life. Nor do I want somebody to take care of me like a child and be after my back.

I want to be independent, and lead an independent life. I want to get a house of my own, and work on my own. All my life my mom has been the backbone of our family, and I want to repay her by becoming independent and taking care of her. I know that it'll be hard, but it won't be impossible.

I've always had a knack for art and I want to open an art gallery. But for that I will need a lot of money. I don't know how to earn so much of money. It's not easy to get a job nowadays, and for me it will be next to impossible. I'll have to have a chat with Mrs. Rose soon, as she's the only one who can help me in this matter.

Tring. Tring. I hear the bell go off, announcing the end of the period, as well as the day. Most people will probably go out now, getting ready for their day to start. Whereas people like me, or maybe just me, will go home and shut themselves out for the rest of the day.

~

Why does it feel like I'm updating after a year?

Anyways, I'm finally out of my shell now after  days of hibernation and am ready to write, write, and write.

Song : Scars to your beautiful by Alissia Cara

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Mahima