Gilbert the Messiah : The Goldfish Testament

Chapter 2: A Death in the Family

   It was thirteen years after the birth of Gilbert the Messiah. He still had not been told that he is the Messiah. Mike Meyers made sure of that. He lived his life like a normal kid, well as normal as your life could be with Mike Meyers as a mother. Usually, when this was brought up, Gilbert would tend to get quiet and say that he was adopted by a transgendered actor out of a job and then leave. Lying was still a sin even if he wanted to keep the secret that his mother was Mike Meyers. Mike Meyers told Gilbert that it was fine if he lied about this fact because even he felt embarrassed about it. But lately, because of his rebellious teenager changes, he had begun questioning many of the events that happened in his life. For example, he had been forced to go to church and learn the Bible inside and out, and he has had to take up theatre and improv so he could be good at giving speeches. Mike had also been making him practice growing a beard by not buying him a razor. Gilbert has had thoughts about buying one with his the few dollars that he saved up from his allowance, but that would be considered betraying his family, and that is a sin. He also could never afford any of the ones in stores because they were so expensive. What he wanted to do was use his father's credit card and go to dollarshaveclub.com, but could not steal from his mother because thievery is a sin, and a sin is a sin.

One day, Gilbert was walking home from the old school house where he partook in school when he was stopped by a homeless man. The man was asking for change. Because Gilbert was brought up to treat those with kindness, he pulled out his wallet to give the man three dollars, but while he was taking it out, another old man walked up from behind and stabbed Gilbert in the leg. Gilbert dropped his wallet, which carried all 32 of his dollars. Gilbert's wallet was picked up by the homeless men and carried off into the distance. Gilbert could not do anything due to his bleeding leg.

Gilbert laid there on the ground for awhile, until a man in a nice suit came up. He asked him if he wanted some candy. Gilbert, of course, said yes to this, being the innocently blind child he was. The man then handed him some candy and said there was more in his van. Gilbert followed to the man's white van with painted windows. When they arrived, Gilbert was not disappointed. Inside the van was all the candy a 13-year-old boy could ever ask for. From Jolly Ranchers to Dum-Dums in all flavors. The man helped patch Gilbert up while Gilbert ate the candy. Once Gilbert was all patched up and full of candy, Gilbert thanked the man for his generosity.

"Hey, it's the only thing I can do as a straight-white Christian male who just wants to do his part in this meaningless universe. You never know who could be the Messiah in disguise." The man said in reply to Gilbert's gratefulness.

Gilbert then continued on his way to his house, along the way, he thought about how generous that man was, and how he wanted to do something that great, but had the crippling fear that life is a lie, we all die, and there is no meaning to anything. This freaked him out so much that he decided he needed to fill this empty void inside him with some music. He took out his phone and began blasting his favorite song of all time. In fact, he loved it so much that he hoped that one day in the future, it could become a hymn. He began to sing along to the song.

We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just want to tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

[Chorus:]

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you