My Best friend

Chapter Ten

I love this song!⬆(Trigger warning: may involve some deppresing topics.) OK, chapter time!
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DJ pov. (Surprise!)

After Kathy left on Friday, I sat up in bed and sat there with my head in my hands. How am I gonna tell her about everything? I just can't. If I tell her about middle school, then I'll have to tell her about...

No. No I can't. Not yet.

Tuesday comes around and grandma drags me out of bed since my fever's gone back to normal. So off to school I go. I put on my usual outfit of the day. Regular blue jeans, blue T-shirt and black hoodie. I eat breakfast, grab my stuff and head off to school. I see Kathy walking about 30 feet ahead of me. As cowardly as it sounds, I went a different way.

I know, I know. I'm a huge wimp. But I just can't handle seeing her right now. When she mentioned Monday, I panicked. So if she tries talking to me again today, I might actually tell her. And that scares me. Yes I'm scared. Don't judge. You would be too.

I get to school and immediately pull up my hood, dropping my eyes to the ground. I've already mastered the whole 'walking without looking' thing. People glance warily at me and avoid getting in my way. Jeez, how long does it take for people to forget and move on?

I get to my locker and open it, getting the books I'll need later. I'm about to close it, when it slams shut and Ryan is standing in front of me. My eyes widen slightly, shocked from seeing him.

Was he gonna hit me? Yell at me some more? My questions are answered when he clears his throat awkwardly and says, " I gotta tell you something buddy.".

I frown, "Oh, so I'm still your buddy?". He sighs and rubs the back of his neck still seeming awkward.

"Dude, I'm serious, it's important. It's about Kathy.". He looks nervous and a little scared now. What?

"What about Kathy?"

"Yesterday, she asked to talk to me alone about something."

"What?" My gut twisted with a strange feeling. Why'd they talk? And why alone?

"Well, she asked me about...you. Why you freaked out on Monday."

I feel myself pale, "What did you tell her?"

"Not everything. But some stuff."

"What 'stuff' exactly?"

"I told her about the bullying. And...the fight." He bites his lip waiting for my reaction. But surprisingly, I'm not mad. I'm actually relieved. This means I don't have to tell Kathy as much as I thought. But still, what I do need to tell her is hard. I don't know if...

"DJ?" Ryan is looking at me, worried.

"Oh uh, yeah?"

"You alright man? You were staring off into space." I tell him I'm fine and that it was okay he told Kathy about middle school. We talk for a bit till the bell rings and agree to hang out at his house and play Overwatch sometime. We say bye and my forced smile fades off my face.

Why forced you ask? Simple. This whole telling Kathy thing has me freaked out. And now that I think about it, I forgot to take my medicine this morning. My Antidepressants. And that makes everything worse.

Now, any thought I have is magnified by a thousand. I can't focus in any of my classes. During lunch I can't eat. Finally the last bell rings and I run through the halls.

Too many negative things are running through my mind at once.It's too overwhelming. I can't hold it in any more. It's getting harder to breathe. I feel the tears forming in my eyes. I push past people with my head down. I gotta get out of here.

I gotta get home. I need it. I push the doors open finally outside. Then I run into the last person I need to see right now.

"DJ!" Kathy says, "there you are! I've been looking everywhere for- hey are you okay?". She sees me about to freak out and I push past her, running home. I ignore her calling my name. I know she won't catch up in time. I've always been faster than her. I get home surprisingly fast and thank God grandma isn't home yet.

I slam the front door and fall to the floor. I don't care of its unmanly. I start crying. My sobs echo through the empty house. The house that used to be filled with laughter, and a feeling of joy. But that's gone. My breathe hitches and I let out another loud sob.

I can't take this anymore. I need to. I promised myself and grandma that I would stop. But this wouldn't be the first promise I broke with myself. I slowly stand up and make my way to the bathroom, using the walls as support. I continue to sob as I rummage through the drawer looking for it.

And there it is.

The razor blade is cold in my hand. It's sharp. Almost brand new. I unzip my hoodie and toss it out into the hallway through the opened door. All I can hear is a pounding in my head as I bring the blade down on my wrist gently at first. I can still make out the old ones. Old and faded, but the pale white still contrasts with my tan skin.

I make the first cut as another sob escapes. The hot tears run down my face like a tidal wave. My thoughts take over, a new word replaced by another line on my wrist.

Alone.

Nothing.

Stupid.

Lost.

Waste of space.

Murderer.

The last one makes me stop as a huge wave of sobs comes all at once. It's true. It happened because of me. I move the razor to my right arm and strike for each time...

All my fault.

All my fault.

All my fault.

All.My.FAULT!!!

The last one is deeper. I sit there crying as my arms are colored crimson. I deserve worse than this. I know I do. I'm about to bring the blade back down when...

"DJ..."

I turn from my spot on the floor and look up at her. Seeing the sadness, fear and disappointment in her eyes. I don't know what to say. All I can think is...

'Oh no...'

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So that just happened. What could all of this be leading up to? Well just keep reading and you'll find out lovelies.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with any of this chapters context. I actually have friends who suffer from depression and panic attacks so I know a little about them.

If any of you reading this ever need to talk about something related to these things, I'm here!😊

Until we meet again my friends!
   -Sierra😘

P.s. who's pov. should I do next chapter? I'm leaning toward DJ again but what would y'all suggest?