Tris & Christina Oneshots {DIVERGENT}

The Final Jump

Trigger warning: suicide.
C H R I S T I N A
I find myself at the old Dauntless compound again. It has been almost completely abandoned, but a few people visit every now and then to get the feel of what it was like before everything was destroyed. This place is frozen in time. Every time I visit, I can still feel what it was like before we were programmed with that so-called "tracker" and mindlessly slaughtered half the population, only to wake standing over bloody bodies of innocent citizens.
The only difference now is, I am alone. No one is here to comfort me or keep me company as I stand in front of the chasm. There are no bouts of laughter or people playfully shoving each other and pretending to toss them into the chasm. It's lonely, just as I am. The water below rushes over the jagged rocks and splashes up. I want to touch it. I wonder what it feels like.
It only takes a few minutes before tears slip over my eyelids. I think of Tris. Tris. Her name hurts my head in sadness and grief. I never admitted it to anyone but myself that I truly loved her. When I met her on the train, I felt something spark in my heart. She had that innocent Abnegation face but her eyes were strong and determined. She pulled me right in from the beginning.
I tried not to show that I was hooked on her. I almost failed at it. My Candor side nearly got the best of me and almost spilled my own secret. But I held it in with sealed lips. I wish I hadn't.
When I found out Tris and Tobias were dating, my heart dropped into my stomach and I silently wallowed in my own pity for a few days, although I tried not to show it in fear of Tris finding out. I was jealous of Tobias, and still am a little. He got to feel her lips and body against his. He got the love-induced hug instead of the small friendship hug Tris would give me. The lucky bastard. Although he has grown on me and I don't hate him, I will forever envy him.
I think I used Will as a cover-up for how sad and lonely I was. I loved him, but it wasn't the kind of love I felt for Tris. It was different, but nevertheless, his death hit me hard. He was my friend, my boyfriend. And to know that Tris killed him made me second-guess my love for her, but I forgave her. How could I not?
There are many things I regret doing and not doing. I regret not telling Tris I loved her. I can imagine her laughing at first but growing angry when she realizes I'm serious, but it doesn't matter now. She's gone, and I will never get to tell her how much I love her. I longed to feel her lips against mine, to feel her heat. I want to slap myself for being such a coward and not telling her, but there was no way I was going to ruin the closest thing I had with her: friendship.
I have the only photograph of Tris in my hand. No one knows it exists but me. She is also frozen in time. I took this photo the day she got her tattoo of the ravens on her collarbone. She's smiling at me with that smile I loved, not that I saw it much. Her fingertips graze the birds. I can almost feel them. I can imagine them taking flight against her soft skin. I now realize that she is a raven, too. Each bird represents a family member she lost. She is a bird, now free.
I kiss the picture.
I look down at the water again. It's black and daunting, but I don't care how intimidating it seems. It's calling my name, and I can almost hear Tris's soft voice carried by the waves. Do I want to do this? Will it be worth it? I don't bother to answer myself. I've always been one to ignore reason.
I place one foot near the edge and continue to stare at the daring rocks. I clutch the photo to my chest for dear life. My mind grows hazy and dizzy. She's calling me. I can hear her. For a moment, I think she's warning me not to jump, but I tell myself that she is begging me to go with her. I know I'm doing this out of selfishness, but I don't care. That is why it is called selfishness. It won't matter after I'm dead. No one should dwell on my idiotic choices. They are mine and mine alone.
Tris's voice fills my head. Everything she had ever said to me in her waking life, the good and the bad, and the weak and the strong, fills my head. My heart races and hammers against my chest. She calls my name again.
I can't resist it. My feet get closer until I'm at the very edge. The mist of water sprays up at me. I breathe it in and close my eyes with the picture still at my chest.
"I love you, Tris," I whisper to the wind. "I'm coming for you."
Without a second thought, I jump.
-
A/N: I make the edits myself. Please do not take them. They are tagged for a reason. I also wrote that quote in the edit.