Tris & Christina Oneshots {DIVERGENT}

Dear Diary

This one is a bit different, but I do think it's one of my best.
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T R I S
November 3rd, 3070
Dear Diary,
I saw Christina again today. She was with Will, just as I expected her to be. I watched her from afar, behind a partially-diminished pillar, and stared, hoping she wouldn't turn from her chaste kiss with Will and notice me.

As far as I know, she is oblivious to me watching them in depressed jealousy.
I almost feel like a stalker, like a hyena carefully watching its prey in case something else snatches it away. But it's too late. Will has her, he always has, and he always will. The lucky bastard.

It is not an enraged jealousy, it's a sad jealousy. Every time I see her kiss him, I feel my heart sink a bit more. I'm not mad at Will, nor Christina. Especially not Christina. I could never be mad at her. It's just a horrible feeling of dread in my stomach when I see them together.

Lunch with them is almost too awkward. Christina talks to me, and for a moment, ignores Will. At times, when I see her coming up to me for lunch without him at her side, a spark of glee goes off in my chest, but it slowly diminishes when his name leaves those oh-so kissable lips of hers.

I refuse to have dinner with them tonight. It's almost time, but I won't go. If I do, they will automatically flock to me and I will have to sit through a half-hour of listening to Christina blab about her relationship, while I just want to grab her over the table and press my lips to hers.

No matter how lousy I feel about this, I will never lose Christina and I's friendship, although I'm upset that it is all it will ever be: a friendship.

November 10th, 3070
Dear Diary,
I found Christina sitting by the chasm this morning. She was staring at the rushing water with her legs dangling over the ledge she was once thrown over. I hesitated behind her for a minute, my heart racing, then took a cold seat beside her.

She didn't say anything for awhile, but she did notice me. Her lips were turned into a frown and she looked at me. Her big brown eyes stared directly into mine, and for a second, I pretended she was going to pour her heart out to me like I wanted to. Instead, she tilted her head to one side and smiled.

She told me she misses me. My heart rate sped up and a faint blush rushed to my cheeks. She misses the times we had together, before she became immersed with Will. She admitted that she wasn't paying much attention to me. She was sorry. In a way, I felt she should be, but then I realized how nasty that would sound. I don't want to be bitter. I want her to be happy.

We are going to spend time together tomorrow, without Will or anyone else but us. It is only as best friends, not a date, no matter how much I want it to be.

I am in way over my head. I realize I will never have her, so why bother trying to drop hints? She is happy with Will, and that is all I want for her. To be happy. I will take this time to spend with her to enjoy the friendship I have with her, because I am afraid she will slip from me and into the pits of love with Will.

Tomorrow may be the best day of my life. It's only hours away.

November 11th, 3070
Dear Diary,
My heart is completely crushed. I saw a shiny ring on Christina's finger when she skipped up to me this afternoon for our day together. She pretended that it didn't exist, but I stared at it the entire time. When she saw me looking, she grinned and her eyes lit up. She raised her hand a bit to show me.

Will proposed to her last night, and she said yes. I knew she would, had I known he was going to propose. She was excited, so I had to be excited for her. My heart was heavy, but I didn't want to blurt out my feelings and upset her.

I had a fear in the pit of my stomach that this day would come. I somehow knew that it would, but one tiny part of me said it wouldn't. I was in denial before, but the sparkle of the ring in my eyes proved it true.

Christina asked me, with that sweet and giddy voice of hers, if I would be her maid of honor at the wedding. I gritted my teeth but agreed, faking a smile. How could I say no? She threw her arms around me in a tight hug, a hug like no other. She thanked me profusely and beamed with such happiness.

I'm trying so hard to be happy for her, but how can I when I see her with Will, and that ring he gave her? I will do my best to be the best friend I can be to her and support her throughout this. I want what's best for her, and if that's a life with Will, as husband and wife, so be it.

But for now, I allow myself to cry. I will never have Christina. She will never be mine. I will never get a chance to tell her I love her.

Diary, this is where the story ends. My hope is gone, my dreams are shattered, and my heart is broken.

Dear Diary,
She will never be mine.