I just cant believe that something awesome has come to an end.
It feels like im dying. It kills me knowing that my paradise is over. My one and only happiness just come to an end.
It was just 8 months ago when we started talking. You brought a new color into my life. You gave me everything ive never experienced before. You gave me butterflies every single day, no one has ever done that before. You made me smile, a new kind of smile. You helped me gone through everything,
You changed me.
You changed me in a good way. You made realize that i have everything in my life, that i deserve to be happy. And i was. I was.
Now all i feel is emptiness. I feel numb. I couldnt sleep last night, thinking about you, about us. Thinking where we gone wrong, but i couldnt find any of it. We were just fine, but love has come to an end, and i accepted it now.
I cant believe that i just had my heart broken again. But this one is much worse than what i experienced a year ago. Now, i dont have anyone to save me, i have to save myself.
But how?
I was trying. I really did. But nothing seemed to work. I punched the wall, letting all my anger out, being watched by everyone, they hug me, tried to comfort me, but it wasnt you. Their hugs would never be the same like yours.
I could do stupid things when i got wasted. And i am now. I promised myself i would never smoke, but i did yesterday. I just couldnt cope and im sorry. I know im stupid, killing my life slowly with cigarettes. But i dont care. Now i know that no one would ever be there for me, to catch me when i fall, no one.
Because now youre gone, taking all my heart with you. You said this isnt my fault, and i knew that. But i just couldnt accept it. I promised you i would stop doing bad things, and i did, i did. But now, i dont think i could promise you anything, at all.
I know you still love me, and i still love you too. But maybe, this isnt for us, not in this life.
Yesterday, i crossed the railway by myself. You wanna know what i did? I just stand there waiting for a train to just hit me . Maybe that was the best decision ive ever made in my entire life, ive never been that far, and you know what i felt? It felt good. That i finally let go everything from me, my life, my friends, my family. Toxic in my life, because now i lost the antidote, you.
Maybe it would take years, but its whatever. Or maybe it would take forever, because honestly you are my forever and always. But i will live, i wont do stupid things, but maybe just get wasted. Im friends with razor for two years, and yesterday i made friends with cigarettes.
Maybe i like myself better when im wasted.
LOL this is my 2 a.m thoughts im not a baby anymore yay. Well, i really didnt sleep last night so i decided to write a bit, and now im so fucking sleepy smh.
