This isnt healthy.
I cant do this and im sorry. Its not that i want to let you go, because i really dont want to. But knowing that youre not mine, it kills me. Knowing that every i love you you would say is just a friendly i love you. I dont want that love. I want you to love me like im your lover, because since the first time i talked to you, i felt a connection between us, a strong one.
The next day i realize that i started to fall for you. It was 8 months ago but the feelings are still here, even growing stronger. You throwed it all just to protect me. But is that worth it? What are we fighting for? I dont know. What im fighting for is you to be mine again, back like our old days. It was paradise for me. But i dont think you would understand what im trying to say here. What im trying to say is i dont want to fucking let you go. I dont want to see you with someone else one day. Because it will happen, and i dont think i could handle it.
Even if i moved on from my previous crush, the first few weeks i still feel anger inside of me. Because it was hurt. And i dont want this to happen between us. I dont want to lose you, even if one day i know we have to go separate ways. But i just dont want it now, but you want it now so i understand.
This isnt heaven like what i thought.
Because heaven is endless, this is hell. Because hell is endless pain. You took my pain away, you made me fall in love, you made me live again. You took away the pain she left me, you rebulilt my heart and i felt like there was someone that really love me. But i dont feel it now. Everytime i open my phone, i see your pictures and i just cry. My friend tried to comfort me but they couldnt, no one could.
My heart is being ripped open again, once again with a girl. I trusted you, i gave you my heart in a silver platter but then you broke things with me, because you didnt want me to experience worse than this. I just dont think this one would heal, because this hurts so bad.
One day im going to see you at the altar with someone else, not me. Maybe it wouldnt hurt too much, but it would still hurts. I dont know if you understand this but you would always have my heart, youre the one that im willing to give my first time, youre the one i break rules for, and now i pay the price.
Just know that i will always love you, in this way. My love for you wouldnt change. It wouldnt be platonic like what you said. Maybe you wouldnt love me like you do now in the future, maybe you would only see me as your best friend, but my love for you would never change, not even a million years.
Thank you for everything we shared, for everything you gave me, including the pain. But im okay. And you should be as well.dont you worry about me because im going to be fine, i might change but i would be okay,not okay but i will live. God nless you, i hope you find happiness out there with someone thats physically there for you, not me. Im just a shadow. Im just a fan of your story since the day one. Just dont forget about what we had, because for me, even if we never met, it felt real.
I havent eaten since this afternoon and im not planning too.
