As I Lay Dying

Four

Jimmy has begun to get used to the sound of gunfire on a night, in fact he sleeps so heavily that his snores keep everybody else awake. It's not uncommon for him to wake dazed on a morning with an assortment of odd boots around his bed that have been aimed at him through the night.

He's become popular with everyone, it's impossible not to respond to his cheerfulness and good humour. Others actively seek him out, he's always the first to be asked to a card game, or offered some of the contraband; cigarettes or the odd bottle of whiskey that seems to find it's way into the trenches occasionally. Although no one asks outright, you can see their puzzlement at his choice of friendship with me.

I'm somewhat an outsider here. I was a shell of a man before I'd left England and war, unsurprisingly, has done nothing to reclaim any trace of the boy I once was. I'm not warm, friendly or likeable. I've forgotten how to be.

I don't know why the golden boy has chosen me. Perhaps because I comforted him on his first night, but either way I don't complain. I don't think I've ever had a close friend before, at least not one that I've talked to so freely.

Jimmy never tires of asking me questions about Evelyn. I suppose he's fascinated, it's the complete opposite to his sweet, simple romance with Ellen. He can't believe that she was one of them either; one of the gentry, more suited to one of our officers than a lowly soldier who could never have risen above a farm hand.

Tonight we're on watch again, Jimmy swapped with Private Gillespie so he could come with me. Gillespie jumped at the chance, it's almost unheard of for a soldier to actually offer to give up a nights sleep and take a watch in your place. I'm lucky to have found such a friend in this hell.

I smile over at my faithful companion as he frowns at the cards he's holding.

"Blimey! You've won again Harry!" Jimmy's face breaks into its easy smile. "You should play for money."

I shake my head and lay down my deck.

"Once money is involved I'd probably start losing."

Jimmy laughs and pulls out a thin cigarette. I notice his hand slyly twitch to his pocket before he stops, glancing furtively at me.

"Come on then." I sigh.

"What?" He asks in mock innocence.

"Give me the damn letter."

He grins in childlike happiness and pulls it eagerly from his pocket. It takes him so long to spell out the letters that he prefers me to read it to him fluently. Although I've read it out loud to him more that ten times I settle back and begin quietly.

My darling Jim,

It makes me so happy to hear that you are happy and being well fed. I'm glad that you've made a friend and I look forward to meeting him, I've sent you both a small parcel with some socks and biscuits, I hope it reaches you-

Jimmy smiles happily, patting the side of his rucksack which contains the biscuits that we've been sharing, well away from the watchful eyes of the other soldiers.

I continue reading the carefully written 3 page letter to him, although he must know it word for word by now. When I'm not reading it to him he can usually be found trying to read it to himself.

... So that's about all the news from the village.
Oh! I nearly forgot, Mary Lewis had a healthy boy, he's a bloody whopper he is, size of a 3 month old although he's newborn. She's called him Eric.
I told Ma that when me and you have a boy we'll call him James, after you, and our little girl will be called Matilda.
I know you said I wasn't allowed to say I love you, but I'll say it anyway because it would pain me not to tell you.
Hurry up and come home, there's a girl waiting to marry you and some children waiting to be born, so get your daft arse back here as soon as you can.
I love you Jim. Please stay safe and give my best wishes to your friend Harry. Tell him I'm thankful for looking after my lovely lad and there is always a place at our table or a bed in our home for him if he should ever need it.