As I Lay Dying

Thirty eight

1916

"I often think that all of the mistakes men ever make are in the name of love."

"That's very cynical." I glance at Luke. He's grinning down at me from his bunk with his blond hair flopping in his eyes.

"It's true Harry." He laughs and swigs at his brandy. He crosses one long leg over the other and leans back on his bunk, completely unfazed by the loud sounds of gunfire outside the dug out. "Women are the most beautiful, most ruinous creatures on earth."

"I'd say men are the most ruinous." I smile wryly, leaning up to take the proffered bottle from him. "Women didn't start this war."

"That's true." He laughs again. "Still, I swear you could live with a woman for years and never understand what's happening in her mind." He swigs at his drink. "I suppose that's the beauty of them."

I laugh in agreement. We lie in silence for a while, passing the bottle to each other from top to bottom bunk. A loud blast sounds from outside but Luke's hand doesn't tremor as his long arm swings down, passing the bottle back to me.

"Anyway..." He says quietly, weighing up his words, "I didn't say women cause most of the mistakes in the world. I said love."

"It's the same thing isn't it? From our perspective at least." I spark a cigarette and gaze upwards, to the mattress of Luke's bunk.

"Not always." He says quietly. He hesitates and his next words are a tentative whisper. "...Not for those like Tommy."

I freeze in shock. No one but me knew of Tommy's love for Jimmy. The words hang between us and I know with sudden certainty that Luke has kept his knowledge of this secret within him.

"You knew..." I whisper.

"I worked it out pretty early on." Luke's voice comes from above me softly. "It didn't take much, the poor lad followed him round like a puppy. There was more to it than just admiration, at least on little Tommy's side."

"Do you think other people knew?"

"No. Most people don't bother to notice things that are directly in front of them, no matter how obvious it is."

I don't answer. There's something so calm in Luke's voice, so accepting that it takes me by surprise.

"It's not so unusual, Harry. One day people will understand people like Tommy and they will accept it for what it is. It won't matter. One day."

"You're a visionary." I laugh.

"No, I'm a realist. Take my word, one day no one will care. One day people like Tommy will be allowed to live and love as they please."

"You don't mind it?" I ask awkwardly, unable to phrase my question as I wish too.

"Me?" Luke swings his legs from his bunk. "I don't care, couldn't give a toss. Let people do what they want, it's none of my concern. I worked out fairly quickly what was up with little Tom... I have to say I'm glad Jimmy never realised because I don't think he would've understood. Mind you, our Jim's so bloody thick that you could have nailed it to his forehead and he wouldn't have noticed." Luke jumps down from his bunk and grins at me wolfishly.

I sit, mulling over the surprise that Tommy's secret wasn't mine alone and more than that, that it matters so little to Luke. I suppose that's just like Luke though, if it doesn't affect him he doesn't care what you do.

He begins to wander from one side of the dug out to the other. I'm used to this by now, he can rarely sit still for long and my eyes follow him as we talk.