As I Lay Dying

Twenty seven

1918

"I thought you'd be glad he's dead."

Jimmy draws deeply on his cigarette and shuffles closer to the small fire. It's not a particularly cold night but it rained heavily earlier and a small steam rises from his woollen jacket in the heat.

"I hope I never become the type of man that celebrates another's death, Jimmy."

"Yeah but him though! He deserved it."

"There are people that mourn him. I don't wish the pain of his passing on them." I say quietly.

Jimmy frowns at me for a moment before realisation dawns on his face.

"You mean Evelyn." There's a long pause. "Well I reckon she's far better off without him." He sniffs.

"That's not for us to judge Jimmy." My voice is soft but carries enough authority to end the conversation.

"She's probably as glad as we are that the sadistic git is dead." Jimmy mutters and I hide a grin at the way he has to have the last word on the matter.

We stand in silence for a while, placing our damp bodies as close to the fire as we can until an American solider opposite us speaks.

"You two are with us, ain't ya?"

"What do you mean?" Jimmy squints across the flames of the fire.

"You're in our half of the troops, right?"

"Yeah."

"Guess you've heard then? We're being moved to the frontline tomorrow."

Jimmy issues an audible groan. Since we've been back here the shift between reserve trench and frontline has been much quicker, no doubt due to the shortage of men. There's only so many million soldiers you can kill before you start to run out.

"Are you two English?" The American solider carries on conversationally, as if he hasn't just informed us that we are facing possible death come morning.

"Yeah." Jimmy sighs.

"Oh swell." The solider smiles cheerfully. "My grandpa was English."

"Bully for you." Jimmy mutters. I dig my elbow sharply into his ribs, vaguely wondering when I became the most socially polite one out of the two of us.

Luckily the solider opposite doesn't seem to understand this turn of phrase because after a polite quizzical frown he carries on talking.

"Yeah, he was from Doncaster. Moved to Arizona for a better life but he always missed it, even though he spent most of his life in the states." He moves round the fire to stand closer to us and I can tell by Jimmy's slight sag of the shoulders that, for once, conversation with a friendly stranger is as unwelcome to Jim as it is to me.

We go through the usual opening topics. Where we are from, how long we've been here, if we have a girl waiting at home, where we've fought previously.

We're halfway through listing our previous positions on the trenches when the solider, Kenny, interrupts.

"You were stationed at Yves? Did you hear about that officer that got stabbed down there?"

Jimmy and I exchange a small glance.

"We heard about it, yeah." Jimmy days shortly.

"Darn nasty business that." Kenny shakes his head and issues a low whistle. "Poor guy was stabbed in his sleep and the cowardly little shít did a runner-"

"Private Helmsworth was one of the bravest men I've ever met." Jimmy says tightly before I can stop him.

"You knew him?" Kenny gazes at Jimmy, wide-eyed. "The guy that did it? I mean, what was it? Was he mentally-"

"We don't know what happened. Helmsworth had been at war for a long time, it affects people in different ways." I say quickly, ignoring Jimmy's disgruntled expression. "He was a good solider." -And an even better friend, I add silently.

"Huh. Well the crazy son of a bitch musta snapped. I heard the officer died."

Jimmy makes to correct this statement but I shove him gently and he settles for making a snorting noise. The less people know about our connection to the whole thing the better.

The mood changes after this short conversation and Jimmy withdraws, making non-committal noises until Kenny seems to sense he's not welcome and retreats.

"I hate people talking about Luke like that." Jimmy spits the moment Kenny is out of sight.

"It doesn't matter." I sigh. "Do you really think Luke would care what people thought? He didn't give a single toss when he was here, I think he'd give even less of one about what they say when he's not."

"Yeah, but to hear people talk about him like that. You and Luke are the two best men I've ever met." He says roughly.

I smile to my self at Jimmys fierce loyalty. He sits on the wooden bench and leans back against the wall, ignoring the thick, wet mud that smears on his jacket. I sit beside him and lean my back against his arm, stretching my legs out on the bench.

We sit for a long while in comfortable silence, the sort you can only enjoy with the truest of friends. Both aware of the others presence but with no need to speak, the mere fact of being together is enough. The night darkens slowly and the first stars begin to shyly wink at us. If we were anywhere else it would be a beautiful evening.

The night barrage starts up, growing slowly louder. The initial hum of gunfire grows into a screaming fury. The low throb of voices and activity is far away from our little corner but still ever present. The flares and flashes of piercing light from the distant frontline pierce the comforting darkness.

"Do you ever wish we could go back Harry?" Jimmy's voice from behind me breaks the couple of hours silence.

"To when?" I shift my back against his arm and continue gazing upwards.

"To when we were all together. You, me, Luke and Tommy. Just to see them one more time. Tom is long gone and I don't think we'll ever see Luke again.." He says sadly.

"No, I don't suppose we will. But I wouldn't go back. Some people only grace your life for a short while... You just have to take the memories of them with you Jim. The war will be over soon, everyone knows the Jerrys can't keep going forever, it's just a matter of time."

"What will you do when it's all over?"

"I don't know." I reach into my pocket and find the small tin of tobacco. "I always thought I'd go back to the estate, but I doubt it. That's where Evelyn will be and I doubt I'd be welcomed even if I wanted to return."

"You could come to Yorkshire. Me and Ellen will see you right, you can stay with us until you get settled. Start afresh."

"Yeah." I smile into the darkness. "Maybe I'll do just that Jimmy."

"Over the top tomorrow." Jimmy says after another long pause. I can hear the trace of fear in voice. No matter how many times you do it, it never gets any easier. There's no tactic that you learn to survive, it's pure chance.

"I know." I say softly. "But we'll be together."

"Always together."

"Until the very end."

***

AN- dedicated to mynameisnotMaya thanks so much for reading.

Sorry if it felt like a filler, I just like writing Harry and Jimmy together!

I'll update soon, I'm enjoying writing this so much, so not long till the next update.