As I Lay Dying

Nine

1916

The early morning light over the trenches casts a dull glow over hollow faces and illuminates the sea of dark rimmed, fearful eyes. Those that managed to sleep look just as exhausted at those that didn't.

The rain fell heavier through the night and almost as soon as we're all awake a hopeful rumour begins to spread that the attack has been postponed as it's far, far, harder to advance in slushy mud. Of course, it's shut down almost immediately. There is no salvation, not today.

Small rations are passed along but barely anyone eats them. Butterflies dance in my stomach as I stare up at a small patch of blue sky and wish passionately that I was anywhere, anywhere at all but here. Despite my troubles, I want to live. I don't want to die.

I want every passing second to last forever.

Of course it can't. Time seems to trickle through my fingers like grains of sand.

It seems like mere seconds before the heavily artillery starts up, the utterly deafening sound that signals the beginning. My heart thuds so loudly that I can hear it over the guns. Although it's awful, it goes against my base nature... I hope the guns kill as many of them as possible. I pray that there are more of them wiped out, less of them to face.

The artillery attack slows and that's our signal. Almost as one we all move, pushing ourselves up to the side of the trench, glancing nervous over at the innocuous stretch of mud that will be the final resting place for many of us.

The sound of gunfire is deafening but I can still hear Jimmy's ragged breathing and and Lukes stream of cuss words from next to me. Pige is shaking so much that I can feel it against me and my heart seems to keep a wild beat with his tremors. A grenade blasts about 20 feet away and Jimmy falls back, saved only by Luke clutching his jacket.

"Pull it together mate." Luke hisses, his eye on the field in front of us as his pulls Jim upright. I catch Jims eye and see my own fear mirrored there.

Suddenly through the smoke of the battlefield we see them, or perhaps we hear them first, it's all a blur. The first wave of Germans run across the mud towards us, falling like dominos as our guns mow them down. The gap in the line is filled by more.

This is it.

Jimmy's whimper of fear comes from next to me and I grasp his hand tightly.

"You've been the best friend I've ever had Jimmy."

He opens his mouth to speak but he's cut out by the officer counting down.

"3..." My heart thumps wildly, terror claws my vision as I stare at the advancing soldiers.

"2..." Luke wishes us good luck. I can't breath.

"NOW!" The small officer screams his order.

Blindly we scramble at once, there's no hesitation, we move as one to climb over the wall of our trench, roaring, shouting as we run towards the Germans. A soldier next to me crumples immediately, dead before he's even made it over the trench wall.

I run forwards, the thick smoke providing both protection and hindering me. I pull my gun up and take aim at a slim fair haired young German opposite me. He's utterly terrified, too scared to even raise his gun to defend himself. He raises his hands in a silent plea and damn me, damn me to hell... I pull the trigger.

His stands upright, shocked, before crumpling like a marionettes puppet.

My heart lurches, aches, but there is no time, no time at all. I hope god has it in his heart to forgive me because I will never forgive myself.