Crashed right into you

Shattered

"Shawn." I said sitting up a little. Shawn looked at me and raised one eyebrow. "Why do you love me?" I asked. Shawn paused as if to think. "Anna," said Shawn. I just stared into my eyes. "I really don't know because I barley even know you but that moment when I met you in the hospital I knew that there was something special about you. I still haven't gotten to know you that well. Well I mean I have gotten to know you a lot actually. You are kind hearted, beautiful,loving ,caring, you are an amazing singer and writer. I love you so much Anna and I've been so mean to you. I'm just stressed from everything. People don't realize that I have feelings because I'm famous. I miss my friends, school, my family and my privacy. I love my music don't get me wrong but sometimes I want to go back." Said Shawn. As Shawn spoke tears started rolling down his cheek. I laid back down on his chest and he continued to speak. "I love my fans! Like I really really love them. But i wish I could have a normal life and a famous life at the same time. I'm worried that I won't be around for you when you need me." Shawn said while crying harder. "Shawn you don't realize this but you've been around me when I needed you before you even knew me. And speaking for all of the fans we love you we really do...I
Mean they love you." I said as I started crying a little. Our conversation is interrupted when Shawn gets a call. "What time is it?" I Asked. "Umm 7:00." Said Shawn. I was about to speak but Shawn picked up the phone. As soon as Shawn picked up the phone and the girl on the other end spoke Shawn smiled. "Shit." I mumbled while getting up and walking to the bathroom. "Why does Camila have to be so perfect?" I thought to myself. "I bet Shawn loves her. She can make him smile and all I do his make him mad or upset." I thought to myself as I sat in the bath tub.
I can hear Shawn laughing. I put my head
In my knees and started. I heard Shawn say "Camila I have to go bye." He hung up and came running into the bathroom. "Anna! Why are you crying are you okay?" Asked Shawn. "Shawn your to good for me." I said as Shawn got on his knees so he could be at my hight. I was looking at him at all. "Anna! Why would you say that?" Asked Shawn. "I suck. I'm stupid annoying and ugly. My family didn't want me so I ended up in foster care. My foster family didn't like me. And your so fucking perfect Shawn. Your good looking, smart, funny and so much more. You are changing the world through music Shawn. I'm doing nothing." I said still not facing him. "Anna! What made you think this all
Of a sudden." Said Shawn putting his head in is hands clearly frustrated. "She's perfect for you Shawn. She can make you smile and laugh. She is beautiful and an amazing singer. I'm none  of those things." I said starting to cry. "Who the hell are you talking about?"Shawn rose his voice. "Camila." I said my voice shaky. "Oh my God Anna how many times do I have to tell you me and her are just friends." Said Shawn almost yelling. "Okay I'm sorry." I said. "Anna don't say your sorry if this is going to happen again." Shawn said harshly. I started to cry super hard. "You know what when me and Camila go out today you can't come because I don't want you to get this way in front of her. Your pretty nasty when your around her." Said Shawn while standing up and walking to the doorway. "Okay what ever." I said full on crying. Shawn left the bathroom and got changed. He came into the the bathroom to brush his teeth. I was in the bathtub crying. I was like that for a full forty five minuets. Shawn finished brushing his teeth and he was completely ready and 8:30. "Bye Anna I'll be gone all day. Here is some money if you need it said Shawn throwing 3 one hundred bills at me. "Okay bye have fun." I said the nicest way I possibly could.  When I knew Shawn finally left the hotel I took out my phone and started to play my Shawn Mendes playlist. He had three new songs off his new album illuminate included in it. While listening to his songs I cried because I hated myself so much. "He hates me." I said out loud to myself  while while getting up and looking in the mirror. "Why am I so ugly?" I asked myself out loud. I looked at mirror again and then punched my reflection. The mirror broke and all the glass Shatter on the ground and all over me. My hand was knuckles  were bleeding super bad. I had Shawn's music playing still. I opened a bunch of cabinets looking for the first aid kit. Once I found it I wrapped a bandage around it. I looked around the bathroom it was a mess. There was glass and blood every where. "Perfect representation of my life." I said out loud. I changed out of my clothes into one of Shawn's hoodies  and sweatpants. I grabbed the money Shawn left me and walked out of my hotel room.
I picked up my phone and called Shawn in the hallway. He didn't answer so I grabbed my key and opened the door. I went inside and
Found a note pad and pen and wrote a little note to Shawn.

Dear Shawn,
I can't do this anymore, I just can't mentally and physically do this anymore Shawn. I'm hurting and want to relieve the pain. I've decided to leave today, forever. I'm sorry for all the pain I may have caused you but hopefully me being gone will help fix it. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I'm going to leave. I'm wearing one of your hoodies and sweatpants so I'll remember you when I die because you were the only person that made me think that someone loved me.
                        Goodbye,
                        Anna
The paper was filled with tear stains but still readable. I took other papers and drew arrows on them pointing to the bathroom. I left my life representation and that note In there. I picked up phone and texted Shawn. 
Me: Goodbye...
Me: I love you 
I left the hotel room that morning ready to die.