isang kanta // isang storya

Back to December

"This heart wants to go back–in what HE used to be."

~~~

I rolled on my bed. Nababaliw na ata ako kakaisip kay Jerome.

Kamusta na kaya siya?

Galit pa rin kaya siya sa akin?

Bakit ba kasi ang tanga mo, Jessica?!

Jerome was the only guy to know the real–suicidal me. I was an outcast in highschool. Lagi akong binubully dahil narin sa timbang ko.

But in that particular summer, we were together. He let me enjoy life that he would enjoy it too. He laughed with me.

And when autumn came, I was falling in love with him. I appreciated what I had.

He was so gentle. So nice. So kind. So smart. So witty.

Realizing that he was...

He was so good to be true.

The way he smiled at me in the passenger side.

That was all so good to be true.

When winter came. Napagdesisyunan kong hayaan nalang si Jerome. "Marami pang babae dyan" ayan ang mga sinabi ko.

I was scared. Natakot akong mahalin ang kagaya niyang sobrang perfect. Dahil isa akong babaeng puno ng imperfections.

And then, his birthday came. I knew that a lot of girls would greet him. So, I didn't. I didn't give him a call. A text. Or a simple note.

Bakit hinayaan mong matakot?

Ang tanga ko. Hinayaan kong mawala ang kaisa-isang lalaking nagmahal sakin.

Flashback:

"Merry Christmas, Jess." Jerome was directly looking on my eyes.

Ito na ba yung sinasabi nila Erick na tatanungin niya ako kung pwedeng maging kami?!

"Ah, eh. Thanks. You too." Sabi ko. Sobrang hiyang-hiya ako sa kanya ngayon. Anong gagawin ko pag tinanong niya ako ng ganun?

Umupo kami sa bench. It was too cold that time. It was Christmas Eve.

"Jess,"

"Hmm?" I replied.

Kinakabahan ako. I felt perspiring kahit sobrang lamig.

"I-i... Love... You..."

And with those words. I began to ran away.

I was afraid to love him. I was afraid of loving a perfect guy while I was an imperfect one.
~~~

Two years came...