bellamy blake imagines

"Have You Lost Your Damn Mind?"

by grounderfever on tumblr

16. "It could be worse."
[requested]
sorry it's so short! ;-;
***
I storm through the camp, ignoring the wary looks I get from fellow Sky People. I see a blonde head a few feet away from me and immediately pounce on her. "Have you seen Bellamy?" I ask, anger invading my voice.
Clarke turns to me, her smile fades when she sees who it is. "Y/N, it was his choice. He's already made the decision to leave. You can't change that."
I glare at her, clenching my jaw. "Tell me where he is, Clarke. I just want to speak to him."
She sighs, rolling her eyes. "He's in the mess hall."
I nod and, without saying thanks, walk away in search of my boyfriend. Who does she think she is? Just because she can control her own mother and is friendly with The Commander doesn't mean she gets to control me. I only take orders from the real people in charge.
I walk into the mess hall, looking around for the familiar mess of brown hair. When I spot him, his hands in his head and alone at one of the tables in the corner of the room, I frown. Could it really be that this effects him as much as it effects me? From what I've heard he made the decision in a heartbeat, not even stopping to think of the consequences.
I walk over to him, not bothering to quieten my footsteps. Even when I'm only a few yards from him he doesn't turn, doesn't even recognise my existence. I sit next to him. "Bellamy?"
He looks up, his fingers untangling from his hair. He looks like he hasn't slept in days, the bags under his eyes and slight frown on his face make him look even more exhausted. He nods to me, not saying a word.
I feel my blood boil. "Really? You're not going to say anything? What are you thinking, going to Mount Weather. Have you lost your damn mind!?"
He finally looks me directly in the eyes. He speaks, his voice the quietest I think I've ever heard it. "I have to go. For our people, Y/N."
I grit my teeth, holding back profanities threatening to spill from my mouth. "What about me, huh? Do you not care at all about me? Or Octavia? Or Clarke, or Raven or anyone else here that cares about you? What about them, Bellamy?"
He shakes his head. "Of course I care about them. Don't even question that, Y/N. You know I'd do anything for you and Octavia."
I sigh exasperatedly. "Then why are you leaving us?"
He the one to sigh this time. "Because the people in Mount Weather need me too! Jasper, Monty, Miller and everyone else can't just be left, Y/N! Stop thinking about yourself and think about everyone else for once!" He's breathing heavily, his eyes widen when he realises what he's said.
He's about to speak, probably to apologise, when I cut him off. "Is that really what you think?" I ask angrily.
His eyes dart around the room, he's nervous. "No, Y/N, I-"
I put up a hand, silencing him. "No, it's fine, Bellamy. If that's what you really think of me. Just so you know, I'm not selfish. I'm not thinking about me. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about you getting hurt; you dying. I wouldn't be able to live knowing that you died miles away, alone, on an undercover mission, by getting the blood pumped out of you. Sorry for showing some compassion, Bellamy."
I get up, ready to leave. When he doesn't move to stop me I walk away. Does he really think I'm that low? My own boyfriend thinks I'm a selfish, self absorbed brat?
My eyes are watering, I blink back the tears that threaten to fall. I hug myself, folding my arms over my front. I'm almost at the door when footsteps are heard behind me. I turn, just in time for Bellamy's body to crash into mine.
"I'm sorry." He whispers into my hair. I awkwardly try to hug him back, my arms are crushed between us. He notices and gives a sheepish smile before pulling away. He stands a few yards away from me, looking guilty.
"I didn't mean what I said." He tells me.
"I know." I say dejectedly.
He shakes his head, reaching out subconsciously and caressing my cheek. He pulls back when he realises what he's doing. "It's not okay. I shouldn't have said that. I just... It's hard to be a leader. I know I'm not a leader here, with the rest of the Arkers, but what's left of the hundred still believe in me and I can't let them die in that mountain. I know Jasper, he'll do something stupid, start an uprising or some crap like that."
I laugh slightly as he continues. "I want you to promise you'll look after yourself. Stay safe. Don't get into any scraps with grounders, I know what you're like."
I smile at him, He knows me so well. I lean forward and gently hug him. He tightens his arms around my back, squeezing tightly. "Promise me you'll stay safe." I whisper, echoing his previous words.
He nods. "I'll try."
We're silent for a while, hugging and smiling, when he speaks. "It could be worse."
I pull back, looking him in the eyes. "How?" I ask.
He grins, "It could be you stuck in that mountain."
I smile, pulling him in again. "Well I'm safe, right here, with you."
His arms tighten around me and, this time, I can't help but grin along with him.