I Wish You Would - A Haylor Fanfic

Chapter 27

As soon as I step out the lobby doors, I pull a pair of huge black sunglasses out of my coat pocket and put them on, and pull my beanie down as far as it will go. Making sure the coat is buttoned all the way up to my chin, I start walking, the coolness of the night making my cheeks rosy.

I gaze up at the full, bright moon and sigh, realising how wrong it was to walk out on Harry and Cara. Hesitantly, I reach into the depths of the coat and pull out my phone. I open Cara's contact and quickly tap out a one-handed text:

Sorry. Tell Harry I'm sorry too.

I lean against a street lamp as I wait for her reply. All I can think about is the realisation I had in the bathroom. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that I'm wrong.

The bing of my phone knocks me out of my dread, and I glance down at Cara's reply:

Harry says he's sorry too. But he's still pretty upset. And I'm sorry too. I was kinda mean earlier. Also, where are you going?!

I shove my hands into my pockets. I cannot tell Cara where I'm going. I stare intently through my black glasses at the Sainsbury's across the road and quickly come up with a believable lie:

I felt really sick. I need a good walk and some fresh air. Brb.

Cara doesn't reply but I can see that she's read my message, so I keep my head down and walk fast, the heels of my black boots tapping rhythmically against the pavement. My mind won't stop racing, and that, added to the stress of making sure nobody recognises me, is almost enough to drive me insane.

I think about where I was a month ago; in Harry's house in LA; warm and happy and in love. It's not that I don't like a little drama and excitement, It's just that I wish I'd realised that things couldn't stay that way forever and I wish I'd savoured it. I realise how lucky Harry and I have been, what with no fans or paparazzi having spotted us together. I'm surprised Adam or Kendall haven't said anything about us to anyone, but I suppose even they know they'd be crossing a line if they tried.

I wonder what Adam's doing now. He's probably in the exact same position in the couch that he was in when I walked in on him before, except with a different can of beer in a different house with a different game of football on the TV.

Shivering, I remember the painful months I spent in his wrath. I hate myself for ever treating that horrible person with love.

I remember that night, over a month ago now, when I saw Harry and Kendall in the audience at the AMA's. Adam hadn't cared at all when I ran off the stage and disappeared for ages. Harry, of all people, had been the one to care for me. If Harry hadn't found me, I would probably still be going out with Adam. Who knows, he might have even proposed by now. A lifetime with Adam; a lifetime of constantly being undermined an insulted, and having to pretend I adore him.

I shake my head vigorously, knocking myself out of that toxic train of thought. Thinking about the past never ends well.

* * *

I almost walk right on past it. It seems so incredibly out of place, amidst bright, expensive skyscrapers and glamorous, inviting shops. But I find it anyways, and clear my throat before walking up to the dingy, dark pharmacists desk.

The half-asleep woman behind the desk straightens up, gives me a tired smile before asking pleasantly what I'd like. I exhale deeply and answer, purposely making my voice higher than usual in case she recognises it.

"I'll take two pregnancy tests, please."

I hand over the money and the woman turns around to get the tests off of the shelves behind her, and I feel a freezing tear roll down my cheek. If I'm right - if Harry really has gotten me pregnant - then everything in my life is going to be flipped upside down. It takes everything in me not to curl up on the floor right there and scream.

As the woman hands me a bag containing the tests, I see a strange look cross her face. She pulls the bag back towards her and leans in.

"You seem... really familiar...do we know each other?"

A sharp pang of panic stabs me in the stomach and I take a large step backwards and stare straight at the ground.

"Um... no, no, definitely not..."

I say, making my voice even higher than before. I reach out a hand to take the bag, but she won't hand it over. I try to look away, but the woman keeps staring at me, sifting through her mind.

"We really don't know each other... now please can I have my tests...?"

I say quietly. Reluctantly, she holds the bag out towards me. I reach out to take it, but before I can, the woman figures out who I am.

She almost jumps backwards, and a loud gasp escapes her lips. She presses a hand over her mouth and her eyes widen in shock.

"Oh...My...God..."

Before anything else can happen, I grab the bag, turn on my heel, and bolt.

My heart pounds for a million different reasons as my feet hit the ground faster than they have for a very long time. For what seems like forever, I hurtle through the city, not stopping for anything.

Eventually, I find an empty bench to collapse onto, and my fast, panting breaths condense in front of me as I clutch the pharmacists bag to my chest and hide my face in the tall collar of my coat.

I rest on the bench for at least ten minutes, the busy city bustling around me. I watch life go on, and become strangely aware of how many women with babies are surrounding me. A young woman walks right past me, pushing a stroller in front of her, and a woman holding an infant on her hip walks into the Starbucks to my left, muttering at the other whining child tugging at her coat behind her.

Two pregnant women, laden with shopping bags, walk together across the road, laughing light-heartedly. Dozens of happy couples with children of all ages pass me. I squeeze my eyes shut and shut it all out, just listening to the sounds of car motors and loud chattering and shop announcements around me. I feel considerably calmer when I get up from the faithful bench, and start walking back to the hotel, stuffing the pharmacist's bag into my coat. I walk past a glowing H&M and hear that they're playing my own shake it off. I can't help but grin, and speed up slightly.

* * *