Don't Hug Me, I'm High ♡

emOTIONS.

[ important note: unlike most of the spontaneous chapters in this book, this chapter treads a little deeper. i needed to vent it out. so this entire chapter is me ranting. you dont have to read this chapter if you dont want to. ]

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being depressed is such a pain in the ass.

everything is a constant "what if?"

and eVEN IF A FUCKING PERSON WERE TO SHOVE A BILLBOARD COMPLETE WITH SPARKLES AND SHIT WITH A MESSGE ABOUT BEING HAPPY, i pretend it isnt there.

im already a fucking nuisance as it is. i dont want to stir up any more bullshit than ive already caused. hell—ive considered cutting myself.

AND BEFORE YOU COMMENT.

NO.

I DONT CUT MYSELF.

yet

its all a constant struggle of feigning happiness before succumbing to the thoughts that're locked away in the deepest, darkest recesses of your mind. and the occassional glimmer of true happiness gets taken away in the blink of an eye.

i have friends.

and theyre the greatest, bestest [ retarded-est ] group of people i have ever met—and i honest to god dont deserve any of them.

[ you people know who you are:

the rooster who likes carrot dick,

the racoon-dalmatian whos sneeze goes above and beyond human reasoning / comprehension,

an optimically-challenged bat with an ass thats to die for,

and an artist who is the definition of "anorexic" ]

i love all you guys :D

seriously, even you, who probably lives on the other side of the world, i love you. for spending your precious time on my account, when you could have easily chosen several thousands of others.

:D

to my friends, the group ive mention ever-so-fondly just moments ago:

im sorry for my bullshit mood swings. im sorry for my random bouts of suddenly ignoring you—and for getting mad, when, obviously, im the one whos in the wrong.

this is another bullshit apology, from an equally shitty person, and that alone deserves an apology. so im sorry for that.

i cant really blame my actions on my depression. because there are lots of people going through depression, and they still manage. i on the other hand, fail miserably, and i resort to baseless assumptions and i choose not to talk.

its really all my fault. i dont know how to cope with my emotions—because im weak. im weak, pathetic; give me any negative adjective, and that would desribe me perfectly.

but

ill try my best

i cant cut myself just yet. and i cant try anything stupid. because the squad has yet to take a picture of Anton with hot sauce smeared all over his face because pizza.

im looking forward to that. and ill have you know, the plans to study abroad for college is still going strong :D. and. i love you guys—even though i fucking suck at showing it. mwah~♥

~ Acnologia_Slayer

[ dont hug me..... ]

[ ok wtf i need a hug rn ]

[ hugs from my friends are 2/3 of the reason i still go to school bc the hugs make me feel better and they soothe the depression swirling around inside of me ]

[ ok i need to be high again ]

[ nexT CHAPTER I WILL GIVE YOU A DETAILED LIST OF POSSIBLE KINKS AND SEX TOYS- ]