Six Feet Under the Stars (Jalex Fanfic)

What A Let Down (Ch. 16)

JACK

I was against self hate and loathing, because that would get you no where in life. Especially being in a band, because if you hate yourself, it will reflect onto the band members and cause even more problems than you started with. It seemed like this was a different scenario, though. I could've cost one of my longest known friends, one of my best friends, his life last night. How could you not hate yourself for that?

It was about 1 in the morning and I had yet to fall back asleep. When we got back from the hospital, I told Alex I was going to crash and he understood why. Sleep causes you to forget your problems, even for awhile. I did fall asleep, but I woke up, crying. Even in my dreams, I couldn't get away from the pain. What would have happened if Flyzik died? Everyone would hate me. Alex wouldn't talk to me ever again, Rian would definitely not want to even look at me, and Zack would probably beat me up. Flyzik is our best friend and trying to do something so stupid that teenagers do could have caused him his life.

When I did wake up the first time, I tried to sneakily leave my bunk, but I failed. Alex saw me and hugged me from behind. I knew he was trying to make me happy with a cute gesture that he knew I loved, but even then, the happiness only lasted for a few brief moments. I gave him a kiss and said I was going back to sleep soon, seeing that I had slept until 7 at night. I could sleep longer. I wished I could sleep forever.

I don't wish to sleep forever as in death. I don't want to die yet. There's so much I haven't done. I haven't kissed Alex on New Year's or shook the President's hand. There were things I still needed to live for. Yet, sleeping forever, like a coma, sounded great. I just wanted to forget my problems and forget what was going on in life. It seemed selfish to wish for something like that, though. Flyzik could be in a coma right now and he would freak out when he woke up. I would just wish I could have slept longer.

I was laying on my bunk, Jack Skellington blanket wrapped tightly around my skinny body as I tried to stay quiet. Alex promised that he would wake up if I wanted him to. I couldn't take away his sleep, though. Alex was obviously struggling, too. He wanted to comfort me, but he couldn't even comfort himself. His best friend could be dying right now, because of me. Flyzik could be dying. I caused it all.

I overthought and overthought before sobs were escaping me. I was shaking and crying, not even sure I was in control of my own body. I couldn't move my hands from digging into my arms, causing marks to form. I saw blood starting to dot at the skin and I couldn't take it. I used to self harm as a teen, I couldn't go back to that. Not now. Not because of some freak accident. I had to stay calm. Right.

I raked my hands through my hair, blonde strands tearing out as I cried. I'm worthless. I mean nothing to anyone now, because of what I did. I was so foolish to think no one would get hurt. I was a let down to everyone. I looked at my tear soaked skin and saw the scrapes of blood already starting to dry while I could feel the bruises forming. I needed Alex.

Tearing open the curtain, I quickly went into Alex's bunk. To my surprise, he was awake, listening to music. Alex looked at me, eyes wide before tossing his phone and earbuds across the bunk.

"Jack, breathe. Baby, breathe. It's okay. Everything is okay." He murmured in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his shoulder as he murmured that everything would be okay. I didn't know if I could believe him, but I tried. I really did try, just so he would know I wasn't going to go back to my self harming ways. It had been 7 years since I last relapsed and that was a dark period for everyone in the band. I wouldn't make them go through that again.

"Jack, listen to me. You are okay. Zack told me that Flyzik woke up and talked to Zack. He couldn't do full sentences, since his mouth is cut up, but he did say hi. He is okay, baby. Don't cry." Alex whispered softly as he looked in my eyes. Alex's chocolate brown eyes were as bloodshot as mine, but he was smiling slightly. Flyzik was okay. Okay for now, at least. I took a deep breath and looked down at my arms, releasing them from the tight grip they still held against each other. Bruises formed around outlines of my fingers and I bit my lip, nervously. How would I cover that up? I couldn't put makeup on it.

Alex took my face in his hands as new tears flowed. He kissed my forehead and laid down, allowing me to take his small blanket.

"Jack, don't think about that right now. We'll figure it out tommorow. Don't worry, okay? Go to sleep. I love you so much." He said into my hair before kissing my head.

I closed my eyes and smiled a little at the fact Alex knew me so well to know what I was thinking. Although I was thinking about something horrible, covering up bruises I caused, he still knew. He made me feel better and he made me stop crying. Cuddling into Alex's side, as he chuckled softly, I felt myself drifting off into sleep while Alex hummed 'Remembering Sunday' to me. Bad thoughts aside, I went into dreamland, and woke up the following day with happier thoughts than the night before.

i hope you enjoyed this chapter. it was hard to make jack a sad character but those times happen, unfortunately. please please comment and vote and ily all!