you received it from your parents on your sweet 17 birthday, the red volvo s60 that you always dreamed to have. you told me you were so happy that for a sec you forgot how to breath. you drove us around the town, passing the old café, the creepy library you were scared of, the Italian restaurant that the owner wasn't even Italian, the sex toy store you couldn't help but laugh every time you passed by and the longass red lights that you always complained about. with two canes of beer that you stole from your dad's. I remember you were talking about having a party at your house but you were afraid your parents wouldn't let you. so I let you use my place and I swore your eyes shine brighter than before, you hugged me tight that I could feel your heartbeat. I set everything up for you, you told everyone to come and they did. I didn't even recognize my own place, that strange place was surrounded by zombies who actually lived. "It's time" I thought, I looked for you. after 20 minutes of searching I couldn't find you, I got more nervous that ever. I forgot about the basement, your favorite place at my place. so I went there and I saw you, I saw you really drunk -drunk in love. made out so intensely with the most popular girl in highschool. you grabbed her butt and I grabbed the collar of my shirt -I don't know why it feels like a fucking rope knots around my neck-, you bit her lip hard and I bit my own lip -trying to hold my fucking tears-, you finally pulled away and I took a step back, you looked at her between lust and love and I looked at you between love -I fucking swear I love you- and hate -I don't hate you, I just hate the fact that she isn't me-. and that night made me realize, it wasn't okay to love you more than a friend.
