The World is Ugly, but You are Beautiful to Me

Chapter 17

"Yeah," I shrug, pushing away Logan's concerned reaction. I don't want his sympathy; he's just going to act like it's his fault.

"Oh my god, I-" he starts.

"No," I silence him. I know he doesn't want to, but he complies anyways. I feel kind of bad for being so snappy, but I can't take anyone talking to me right now. Not even Logan.

Last night, after the confrontation with my mum, I just couldn't stop crying and over thinking everything. I can't get the nagging thoughts out of my mind about what Ryan had told Logan. What if Logan actually is using me to be with them? What if he only told me to fake a sense of security? I'm such an idiot. I just opened up to him, and I barely even knew him! I haven't told anyone about my mum, and yet just now I choose to tell Logan, a boy who I just met not long ago. On top of making myself completely vulnerable, I also have every single person in my grade now turned against me just because I sat at that stupid table. I cannot believe what I've done. I was so caught up on Logan's appearance and apparent personality, that I didn't even bother to get to know him before opening up. I still don't know him! For all I know, he could be a complete ass and then I have no idea what I'll do. All I know is that it will be all my fault.

The bus pulls up and I silently take a seat next to Logan. I face away from him and think about everything that could go wrong. My palms are sweating and my nails nervously dig crescent shaped marks into my skin.

I eventually decide that I'm already invested in Logan too much to cut off my connection with him now. If I did, I would be completely alone, and he might be too. Actually, probably not. But it's a possibility. Logan didn't even do anything yet, so I don't know why I'm mad at him. I just need to slow down with sharing personal information with him.