Loved Me Back to Life

Chapter 1

Entry July 28, 2013

'Dear diary…

Today was… hard. I tried to just sleep the day away, but mom, of course, didn't let that happen. She woke me up at nine this morning and told me that I needed to get out the house, so I had to go to the grocery store with her. I don't know why she made me do that. Yes I do, it's because she still thinks I'm just being dramatic. DRAMATIC! The nerve of her right! I guess it's whatever, cause now I'm home and I can listen to my music the rest of the night. *Sigh* Well, it's time for me to go now, hopefully I have a good night tonight.'

Right as I closed my dairy and placed it inside my drawer under some of my old writings, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and reflected on how my day went. 

                                              *Earlier Today*

 The entire car ride to the store, my mom kept badgering me with questions. Some that were genuine and she really wanted an answer for, but then there were the ones that were completely pointless, and I could tell that she was really desperate for me to talk. But the more questions she asked the more frustrated she got with my lack of responses, so she just stopped talking to me all together. I felt bad because I wasn't trying to frustrate her, I just... Ugh! I never ever want my mom to get so frustrated with me to the point that she gives up on me, that's one of the worst feelings in the world. Then we got to the store and everything seemed to be going ok, but as we were walking up and down the aisles, this incredibly cute guy kept looking at me smiling. My hands started trembling at my sides and my heart began beating out of control causing my breathing to get heavier and heavier as it quickened. The rim of my forehead was wet from the beams of sweat surrounding it and my mouth was losing its moisture. I didn't know whether he was trying to flirt or if he was just being nice and smiling at me cause I looked at him, but I couldn't help but ask myself 'Why is he doing this to me?' I couldn't handle it. I mean, of course I was flattered or whatever, but that feeling was hidden deep within me cause on the surface I was scared to death that he would actually make a move and try to talk to me. So, I stood really close to my mom cause I knew he'd never approach me in front of my parental, and when she noticed what I was doing she comforted me only a little by rubbing my arm then continued on to the next aisle. But it worked. He actually walked away! I felt a little sense of victory, but that was quickly wiped away when he gave me that look that I must get at least twenty times a day. He looked at me as if I was a freak. And that's exactly what I am. A freak. Nothing more, nothing less. 

                                   *Back to Present Time*

 "Shelby! Come on downstairs it's time to eat!" 

My mom told me she was making lasagna with garlic bread and a salad and I thought back to a time where I'd be so happy about that because that used to be my absolute favorite meal. But now, the thought of it makes my stomach turn with pain cause I haven't eaten anything that heavy in about two weeks. Though my mom doesn't know that. I always hide that from her because I don't want her to worry about me. I generally just drink a lot of water with my meal to fill up faster. So, unfortunately I still had to go downstairs to put on my façade that I do so very well. As I was walking down the stairs out of my isolated state, thinking about how much I really wasn't looking forward to this meal, I was bombarded with hugs from my grandparents. In the middle of me being in their incredibly tight grip and getting smothered with kisses, I glared at my two sister's, Sydnee and Spencer, as they sat at the dinner table snickering and giggling to themselves. I wasn't too bothered with that as much as I was with my mom who was staring at me as she was setting the table. She just looked at me like nothing was wrong and that was pretty frustrating because it's almost as if she thinks my condition is a joke.