Short Stories And Such

His Keys. My Keys.

I'm not mad. I want to be, but I'm really not. I'm just frustrated, I suppose. Sad, disappointed, and frustrated. Scared, even. It's strange, I've never trusted anyone this much before and with such ease. So I actually wanted him to know the darker things about me, it wasn't just an obligation. I wasn't afraid of him leaving me. But now after he's told me that I don't have the keys to his heart, I can feel physical pain in my chest. Do I not hold any? Not one? It's understandable, of course, but that doesn't make it any less painful. And I realize now that I've come on much too strong. I held my heart out to him with open palms and although he didn't push it away, he didn't accept either. And I'm ashamed, embarrassed that it has taken me this long to realize. I gave him all of my keys at once. Something I've never done before, something I never even imagined I could do, I did without a second thought. I've decided to give him some distance. But as I type those words, I know it's a lie. I'm not giving him distance, I'm giving myself distance. I need to be alone and remember what it's like to have to be independent, to not rely on anyone. To not have anyone to catch you when you fall. And although I'll still be there when he's down, I can still tell when something is bothering him, I won't show him the same. I won't tell him when I'm hurting. I won't let on, not even in the slightest. Because now I am very, very afraid. I know deep down in my soul that he would never tell anyone, but I'm afraid of sharing any more of me. It's not that I need him to give me his keys before I give him mine, I'm not that selfish. I know he cares about me, but that's not the problem. It's just that all of a sudden I no longer trust him with the endless depths of my soul. I have been awakened and reminded that despite the feeling of familiarity and comfort, we've only just met. He had all my keys and now he has none. It's nothing he's done, it's just me. When I connected with him, my whole past became nonexistent. I forgot all the pain and broken trust. But I remember now and even though I know he couldn't ever do anything to hurt me, that doesn't make the fear go away. I just need some time. Just a bit of time.