Secrets (On hold)

Chapter Thirty Eight

WARNING: I may or may not go into detail about sex and drugs. THIS IS YOUR WARNING. Seriously though if you are not okay with that don't read this chapter.

Also didn't proofread. Sorry I'm lazy.

*Harry's POV*

I sit on a hard wooden stool on the balcony of my hotel room, staring off into the distant streets of Nashville like I have been for the past four hours.

For some reason the noise of the busy streets is more calming than my quiet room. I'm hidden up here, but I can hear the crowd of fans standing many feet below me around the entrance of the hotel.

I had my headphones in for awhile, drowning out the noise but eventually I got sick of the songs, certain lyrics relating more to my currant situation than I am comfortable with.

I couldn't bring myself to go find Lauren, and for the first hour after she left my room I sat on my bed, staring at my hands. The second hour I moved to the table in my room and zoned out on my writing journal, barely noticing the knocking on my door; which I ignored. I knew it wasn't Lauren, so what was the point of answering it. It's my day off anyways.

The third hour I called my mum, which ended in me crying like the wimp I am. So I quickly told her goodbye and hung up. The remaining thirty minutes of that hour I sat in embarrassment and shame as tears flowed constant down my face.

The fourth hour I picked up my journal again, and this time managed to write a few lines down, but nothing I'll be able to finish on my own. I also called Ed to make sure he was alright. We talked for a good ten minutes. He explained how Ellie and him broke up a few days ago, and I told him about what happened with Lauren and her. He didn't seem too upset, but he was busy and had to go so he told me he would call me soon.

So here I am.

I run my hands over both my cheeks and stare ahead at the tall brick building at the end of the street. I feel like I've thinking for hours, but have yet to accomplish anything.

"I want you to be happy Harry." My mum had said.

She makes me happy.

"What about your job? One Direction? You are living your dream. That is something to be very happy about."

I muttered something in agreement with her, but my heart disagreed. I was happy. Who wouldn't be in my situation? I am more successful than I ever could have imagined. I am beyond thankful for everything that I have, but there's a difference between being happy, and being thankful. I need Lauren in order to be happy, which frightens me and always has. For some reason with all this fame and attention, I need more, I need Lauren. Keeping her my little secret is the most selfish thing I could do. I should have realized that sooner.

I look at my phone that is vibrating once again for the hundredth time today. Literally. I see that Paul is calling and answer it.

"Hello?"

"Are you alright? There hasn't been any signs of life coming from your room at all today." Paul teases me and I would smirk but I can't.

"Yes I'm fine. I just wanted time alone." I tell him before running a hand through my greasy hair. I need to shower.

"We figured. Well I just wanted to see if you plan on going out tonight...."

"I don't think so." I respond, looking down at my bare toes that are pressed against the concrete of the balcony.

"Alright. Can I send Liam in by you? He's been dying to see you and he has food." Paul asks and I laugh, which feels odd.

"Yeah send him on in." I tell Paul and hang up.