Everything Ripples

18

Chapter 18
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{music for the chapter:// Pride by Amy Macdonald}
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Do you ever have those moments where you could just sink into a hole in the earth and never resurface? The feeling of utter regret and hopelessness. When I looked into Hunter's eyes, I saw the horror and disgust inside them, and I knew I should have never told him.

Immediately, I run out the door, grabbing the keys to my father's car on the way, and hop in. Starting it, tears begin to stream down my face. For gods sake woman, get a grip on yourself. Brushing the thought away, I back out of the driveway and speed off down the dirt path, wanting to get away. I ignore the pain bursting from my arm as I twist the wheel around, turning onto the main road.

I knew he wouldn't understand. I shouldn't have told him.

"You stupid, stupid, stupid idiot," I groan, hitting my head on the steering wheel. A car honks and I quickly swerve out of the way. Too many emotions and thoughts run through my head and all I want to do is crash this car so I won't have to endure this life anymore. The tears keep falling down as I speed away, looking for an escape.

"I should have never told him," I whisper, turning the wheel down a dirt path to the side. I bump down the road until I get to a grassy area, where I stop the car and slid down into my seat.

"Such a bad idea," I sob, banging my hands on the steering wheel. I start to hiccup, trying to calm down.

"But Sydneyyyyyy, please," my sister begs, hanging upside down from her bunkbed. Her long blonde hair sways as she releases her hands and swings them, trying to touch the ground. I chuckle and grab her by the waist, turning her the right way around before tickling her. She squeals, trying to get out of my grasp.

"Pretty please Sydney! Just for today," she whines when she wriggles out of my arms.

"I don't know," I say slowly, looking around at the messy room. "Have you asked Mom yet?"

She nods her head energetically even though I know she's lying. I smile and ruffle her hair.

"Maybe, Kayla. If you clean up your room, we can go."

Kayla immediately begins to clean up everything, and I slowly slip out of the room to go downstairs. On my way down, I can hear my parents arguing, and I pause. I didn't know my father was going to be here today. I though he was still in New York. But I don't want to go greet him. I sit down on the stairs and wait for Kayla to finish cleaning, picking at my nails.

"All done!" she yells and bursts out of her room. The arguing stops and I put a finger to my lips, telling her to be quiet.

"I'm very busy at the moment, Sandra. Can't you talk to me later?"

"No! We need to sort this out now, Dean. It's been going on for way too long."

I can see Kayla getting upset, so I quietly take her hand and lead her downstairs to the mudroom, where I dress her in her coat and gloves. She's only 9 but she knows what our parents are talk about, and I don't like it. I shrug on my coat and grab my keys, pushing her outside before shutting the door. Outside is a winter wonderland. Everything is covered in white, the snow still falling.

"You ready?" I ask before running down the hill, Kayla following close behind. I fall, rolling in the snow, and Kayla jumps on me.

"How was school today?" I ask, dusting the snow off me.

Kayla just shrugs. "It was okay. There's this really mean girl and she keeps taking my stuff."

"Well, if she takes your stuff, take her stuff!"

Kayla laughs and pushes me, making me fall again.

"If I do that, I'll be the mean one!" I smile and grab her hand, skipping down the hill until we get to the bottom.

"Ooh, Sydney, look at the river." Kayla runs over to the water, covered my a thin layer of ice.

"Kayla, be careful!" I call, running after her. She watches the water underneath the ice swirl around before turning to me and grinning.

"Can I go on the ice?" she asks, her big blue eyes gazing up at me.

"No, Kayla. It's dangerous." I say, taking her hand and turning her around. "How about we go get some hot chocolate?"

"No! I wanna go on the ice!" She slips out of my hand and runs onto the ice. But she slips and falls down, cracking the ice. She stops, the water swirling around her feet.

"Kayla," I say shakily. "Don't move, okay? I'm gonna come get you."

She nods nervously. I shuffle down to the end of the bank, stretching out my hand for her to grab onto. She reaches out and touches my finger, but I slip and fall into the water, the ice breaking up. The water, at this time of year, is extremely deep, and I know Kayla has trouble swimming. I break the surface of the water and look around for Kayla, but I can't see her anywhere. I begin to shiver, but I ignore it as I try to look for my sister. I'm being pulled under by the current, but I stay above and manage to grab onto a tree root. I heave myself out of the water and search the water, but can only see black. Suddenly, a dark blob appears and I dive in, swimming to it. I haul it out onto dry land and take a breath, not processing what had happened. I flip over the wet blob and see Kayla, all blue and grey. She drown in the river, and it was all my fault.

Tears cascade down my face as I sit in the car, crying my heart out. She died that day because of me. Because of my stupidity and me being unable to help. I am a failure. That's why people don't talk to me anymore. Because I'm a fucking failure who killed her sister.