Charade

Vic

"What's going on in here?" I asked, stepping into the doorway. "What's wrong with you two? Why are you screaming?

"Eddie didn't take the money," Benjamin said in low, monotone voice. I looked over at him standing on the other side of Lily's bed. "It was Lily. She stole it because she says she wants to die. Eddie had nothing to do with it."

I glanced down at my daughter, crying, standing beside me.

"Lily," I said quietly. "Is this true? Did you take it? How did you even know about it?"

"I told her," Benjamin admitted. "I couldn't keep it from her anymore."

I shot a look of anger at him and he turned away ever so slightly.

"It's true," Lily said, looking down at her shoes. "I took the money. I want to die. I can't do this anymore... because of Benji."

"Because of me?" He echoed, anger flaring up in his eyes.

"Don't pretend like it didn't happen. Dad, Benji did something... something really bad."

"What the fuck are you talking about, now? Vic, don't listen to her!"

"He raped me," she whispered, not looking up. "He was coming onto me for weeks, flirting and trying to convince me to... do stuff with him. He tried to kiss me the other night, but I said no. He wouldn't listen."

"What are you doing?" Benjamin cried. "Vic – she's lying. She's lying!"

"Shut up, Benji!" She screamed. "You can't hide the truth anymore! I can't... I can't do this anymore."

Flashes of the last few weeks ran through my mind, coming at me so fast that I barely time to recognise them. Finding Benjamin asleep in Lily's hospital bed, the awkward way they wouldn't look at each other only a few days before, the way Lily had acted differently – first happy and flattered, then grim and withdrawn. And, of course, the bruises on her arms and knuckles that day at breakfast, when neither of them would talk to each other. It made sense, but how could it?

"Vic, she's lying. The other night, she kissed me, and I pushed her away. She's just saying this to get back at me!"

Benjamin stepped around the bed, standing right in front of me.

"You know me," he said. "Better than anyone. You know I wouldn't do this to you – either of you."

I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye. If I did, I might just believe him.

"Vic!" He shouted. "Listen to me! She's in love with me and I rejected her and she's so mad at me that she would do anything to get back at me. You know I wouldn't do this – you know I wouldn't have it in me to hurt her!"

I kept seeing him in her bed, sleeping with her head on his chest. I kept seeing them at breakfast, not talking, never looking each other in the eye. The bruises and Benjamin, jittery and nervous, at the meet before we spotted the camera in the alley. And then suddenly, Lily opened her mouth and she whispered:

"He said that if I told you, he would go the police and tell them about the scams, and you'd be arrested and taken to jail and I'd never see you again. So I kept my mouth shut. I couldn't let him do that to you."

Then they started fighting, and Benjamin was talking to me, but I couldn't hear him. I just kept thinking about how it made sense and how it couldn't make sense because it was Benjamin we were talking about. Insecure, impulsive, loyal Benjamin.

Impulsive. How impulsive? Could he lose control like that?

I started seeing the events roll over in my head. Lily trying so desperately to fend off Benjamin, who was too strong for her tiny weak body, and him grabbing her arms, holding her down, and her punching him, causing those bruises on her hand and arms. The pictures sickened me, making my gut turn over in disgust, and then they stirred something else, something explosive.

I'd already punched Benjamin in the nose before the thought came to me consciously. He stumbled backwards, falling onto the bed, nose spilling blood all over Lily's sheets.

"Vic, please – "

I leapt on him. There wasn't any calculation or precision, only violence. White-hot anger flared up inside my gut like an uncontrollable wildfire destroying everything in its path. To think that I'd loved this boy like my own, that I'd taught him and protected him, sheltered him and fed him, for him to ruin the one thing in my life that I truly loved... The dam had been broken and everything I'd pushed down came back up. For the first time in my life, I couldn't control myself. I just kept swinging, beating, with Lily screaming and Benji bleeding, until I felt his foot slam into my bad knee. I don't know how he did it, but suddenly fire was spreading inside me, and not just from the anger. Benjamin pushed me off and then he disappeared out the door, sprinting, knowing I could never catch up to him.

And then I was on the floor, in absolute agony, and I didn't know what to do.

© A.G. Travers 2015