Li'l Rammstein Babies, Part 2: Adventures In Babysitting.
(Scene: some months after meeting Baby Olli, who is now in the crawling stage. The Lindemann's living room. They are not having a good day.)
Doomy: Till! Richie's looking at me!
Richie: Paul! Doomy got into the stwudel!
Flocka (In front of the TV): You stupidheads shut up! Cartoons are on!
Olli: Waaaaaaa!!!!!
Till: Richie! Stop looking at Doom!
Paul: Doom! Stay out of the strudel!
Olli: Waaaaaaa!!!
Till: Shh,Olli, shhh...where's your binkie? Who took Olli's binkie?!?
Richie: Flocka dwopped it in the toilet!
Flocka: Tattletale! (*Punch*)
Richie: Waaaaaaa!!!
Paul: Flocka! Come here! (*Swat*)
Flocka: Waaaaaaa!!!!
Doomy (Neener-neener): Flocka got in trouble...Flocka got in trouble... (*Swat*) Waaaaa!!!!
(Till Comes from bathroom holding Olli's binkie between thumb and forefinger.)
Olli: BA!
Till: No, Olli,it's all wet and gross. I'll put it in the microwave to dry off.
Olli: BA!!!!
Paul: Um, Till...I don't think you...
Richie (Picking up Olli under the arms and following Till): Olli's all wet and gwoss, too! Put him in the micwowave,Tillchen!
Till: Good idea!
Paul: GAH! NOOOO!!! (Swoops down and grabs Olli from Richie.)
Olli: Waaaaaa!!!
Richie: Waaaaaa!!!!
Till (At wit's end): ALL RIGHT, ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!
(All the Rammies stop and stare at Till.)
Doomy: Oooo...Tillchen said a bad word! I'm telling!
(Till leans down nose to nose with Doomy and snarls. Doomy shrinks back and grabs onto Flocka, who grabs onto him.)
Paul (Clutching a frightened Olli): Uhhh...how about we all do something together? That'll be fun, won't it?
Richie: I know! I know! (He trots out of the room, reappears with an armful of makeup, hair accessories, etc. from Till's Mutti's bedroom.) We pway makeup, wike pwetty ladies!
Paul: Richie, put that back. You don't want Tillchen to get in trouble with his Mutti, do you?
Till (Taking makeup from Richie and lays it out on the coffee table): If it keeps this lot quiet, I'll gladly take a paddling!
Doomy (Under his breath, to Richie): Weichling...*1
(Till leans down and snarls at Doomy, who hides behind Flocka. Richie grabs some rouge and lipstick.)
Richie: Make Tillchen pwetty!
(Doomy and Flake laugh unnecessarily loud. Till picks them both up by the scruff on their necks and plunks them on the couch.)
Till: Here, Richie, play hairdresser on these two first!
(Flake and Doomy try to escape, but Till and Paul hold them down.)
Doomy: Muuutiii!!!
Paul: Ah, now who's the Weichling, Doomy?
(Some time later: Flake and Doomy sit disgruntled, an array of ribbons, scrunchies, rollers, and barettes festooning their hair. Richie is happily giving Doomy a braid.)
Richie: Doomy boo'ful!
Till (Snickering): Yes, Doomy's going to grow up to be a beautiful lady!
Paul: Frau Schneider!
(Till and Paul howl with laughter. Olli, still in Paul's lap, giggles. Richie approaches Flake with lipstick.)
Flake: Ew! No! Don't put that stuff on me! I don't want to look like a schlampe !*2
Till: Flocka! Where did you hear that word?
Doomy: That's cause his sister is one!
(Flake jumps on Doomy, they start to fight, but Till & Paul separate them.)
Paul: Here, Richie, you can put the lipstick on me. (Richie does so, making Paul look more like The Joker than a schlampe. Richie shows Paul his reflection in a hand mirror.)
Paul (Smiling broadly): Aw, Richie, what a wonderful job! I look much prettier than Doomy, don't I?
Doomy: No, you don't!
Till: Here, Richie, put the eyeshadow on me. (Richie piles more paint on Till's face than one would find in a Van Gogh painting. Till looks at himself in the mirror. Doomy and Flake, still disgruntled, make faces. Olli grabs the lipstick and starts to eat it.)
Till (Pouting and preening at his reflection.) Danke, Richie, now I'm prettier than Doomy and Flocka!
Doomy and Flocka: No, you're not!
Paul: Now we get to put makeup on Richie!
Richie: Noooooo!!!
Paul: No-?
Richie: Wichie awweady pwetty!
(Till and Paul smile at each other. Till pats Richie's head. Doomy & Flocka roll their eyes. )
Olli (Spitting out pink clumps of lipstick.): BA!
*1: Sissy.
*2: Whore.
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What would Rammstein say?
Fanfictionjust a random funny stuff where the writer imagined a lot of funny scenes played by our belovers All rights are for the owner "tillsdoppelganger"
