I was thinking about this all day. Mostly because I realized that people expect me to be happy and energetic all the time. Like when I was having a terrible day today I was do tired and felt so depressed but what pissed me off is my 'Friend' day down at our table and said "hey are you alright you look all tired it's so not you" and I just could do nothing but stare. It makes me wonder if just a tired look makes people think I'm acting different, makes me wonder what would they do if they real knew me? But I guess it's no use wondering about 'what if'. You know, 'What if I acted the way I really am inside?'; 'What if I had never been hurt or broken?'... It's a stupid thing to do when you know you can't change the past. It hurts to dwell on the past hoping it'll magically change. It won't, you can try to change the future. Keyword 'Try'. It's not likely I'll ever change. People don't change. They may act as though they have but they don't. Learning form your mistakes is a different story fully you see here all your doing is not repeating the same things, your not changing yourself.
But that's obviously a story for a different chapter. In this one I just need to know why people think they know everyone! I mean really just cause you know my favorite color or favorite band doesn't mean you know my actions, my reasoning, or my intentions! And everyone acts like they do. No one, and I mean Not a single soul 'Knows' me, how can I be for sure? Because if you knew me you would do one of 2 things A) lock me up in a looney bin and fill me with drugs to make me 'better'. B) you would run away from me avoid me for the rest of your life making sure never to make any kind of contact with me ever again. I know I sound like I'm putting down who I really am but no I am being a lot nicer to myself then I am wanting to be. I don't care if your reading this or not. This may be 'My Darkest Thoughts' but in all honesty this isn't even grazing the worst of my thoughts it is really dark but I can be a lot darker. No one seems to understand that I know that I shouldn't cut or even think about it; they don't understand that I know sometimes I act overly happy just because I am trying my best not to break down on a weak moment. I just want them to understand.... Is it to much to ask to just be understood?
Maybe it is, Maybe it isn't, I wouldn't know. I guess it would be easier to know if at least one person understood me... And I mean really understood not just ' it's okay dear I know how you feel I understand exactly' NO! I want a real understandment not someone who says 'I Understand' NO! I want someone who can show they understand! That they Truly Do know me!
So I'll ask you.... Do you Know me? Do you Understand?........ </3
