I've had a lot of these lately where I can't sleep often, when I do it feels more tiring than anything else has ever felt. When I wake up I wake up breathless as if I haven't been breathing. In my sleep I feel as though I'm drowning as I can't get rid of it. I've gotten so scared to sleep with that feeling I stay awake till my body is just about to pass out of exhaustion I'm so mentally and physically tired the slightest thing just adds 10x more to my exhaustion. I want to help others with there problems but I just feel so much more dragged down. I won't let it stop me from helping others but it always happens when I stop cutting; every night turns into a nightmare; everyday becomes harder to go through the motions.
The stress doesn't end it all piles on till I can't take it anymore.
The depression always makes everything feel a million times worse than it should.
Every time I say 'I'm going to stop cutting' depression comes up goin 'Lets see how long that lasts'
And everything hurts so bad I just don't want to be alive anymore I wish I'd die!
I know this is all just the depression talking but I still would do anything to end this I hate it I just... It's my lowest point when I stop cutting and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this it's so hard to stop I feel like I'm slowly but surely cracking down into pieces.
As I was writing this I was on the verge of years because stupid wattpad deleted half my entry, so now I have to rewrite it. Are you getting how such small things are starting to affect me worse than most of the time?
This one is short to because I was getting so pissed off typing all this up.
All I wanna do right now is cut so deep it will bleed till Sunday!
Even music is getting on my nerves! That's like really bad for me!
I think this is the worst I've ever had it. I feel so sick I can feel the bile at the back of my throat my body is in pain everywhere my irritation tolerance is growing thiner I just need a release so bad right now..... I just want to get rid of these Sleepless Nights.....</3
