Prompt: Kaz's POV when Killian is pulled into the room by Siggy
----------------------------------------------------
We walked into the dorm building and I mentally tried to calm myself, pushing back thoughts of Aaron. He had betrayed me. Siggy had betrayed me.
No, no, stop it, Casimir. Aaron had chosen to betray me. Siggy had probably been forced by Constance. There was a difference.
Still, some part of my brain whispered that it wasn't different, that Aaron had his reasons too, that I'd abandoned Aaron and now karma was catching up to me. That's why Aaron was angry, that's why he had sent Siggy that video in the first place.
I slowed my pace, just enough that the others wouldn't detect it. I needed to get ahold of myself before we reached Siggy's room. I would not let my friends know how messed up this whole situation had made me. I would not be weak in front of them, not when I'd worked so damn hard to build myself back together after Aaron left me shattered. My friends needed me to be strong. They needed hope in this Academy, and that was me.
I felt my hands moving towards the pockets of my slacks. I forced myself to play with the fabric instead of shoving them in my pockets. I always put my hands in my pockets to hide their trembling. But I would not tremble. I would keep my composure no matter what.
We reached Siggy's room and I reached out, knocking. I glanced back briefly and saw the relief on Beckett's face as he stood next to me. They'd been nervous. They'd been doubting me. Now they knew I wasn't afraid. I was still the same, strong Kaz. Good.
The door opened and I was met with Siggy, with someone who had betrayed me. I'd spent nights awake plotting ways to help him meet with Rogan. I had taken bruise after bruise to protect Rogan because I knew how much he meant to Siggy.
And yet, here we were.
"I knew you'd come around sooner or later. Don't bother, Kaz. Constance didn't force me to do anything," Siggy said, and I felt a small rush of panic that maybe that was true.
"I can force you to lick the inside of your own ass if you don't start explaining." Mikayla's voice from behind me. I nearly smiled.
"There's nothing to explain. Besides, I'm not afraid of any of you," Siggy said.
"Rogan thinks you struck a deal with Constance. You hurt Kaz, you get to stay with your brother," Killian said, drawing Siggy's gaze.
"Constance doesn't have that power," Siggy said, and I knew that was a lie. Constance had a lot of power in this place.
"Yes he does. He could convince your parents to let you stay. You did strike a deal, didn't you, Joseph?" I said, almost desperate for him to admit that he had. But I held my composure, desperately searching for the calmness I usually felt.
"Out with it," Killian said impatiently, and I had to hide another smile. It amazed me that he cared so much. I wasn't used to it. I still didn't fully comprehend it, but he always gave me a patient look that said he understood why I didn't.
"Fuck you. I'll teach you a lesson." Siggy's voice rose and, before I had a chance to register what was happening, he grabbed Killian. He yanked Killian into his room, slamming the door as I moved forward. I hit the door just as the lock clicked, my hands shaking the handle uselessly, my heart pounding.
No. No, had Siggy really betrayed us? Had he really turned on us? Would he really hurt Killian?
"Shit, he's jamming the handle!" Leo said, moving forward and grabbing the handle. "Shit, shit, even if I pick the lock, we won't be able to get the door open. He jammed it."
"Get it open," I commanded, my calm completely gone now. He would not hurt Killian. I wouldn't let him.
"Kaz, I can't," Leo said, not meeting my eyes.
I closed my eyes briefly, taking a slow breath. I blew it out and opened my eyes, placing my hand on Leo's shoulder.
"It's not your fault," I said. I was their friend, not their leader. I was here to encourage them, not abuse their talents and punish them when they couldn't meet my needs. "If we can't get in, then we make sure Siggy can't get out."
The others nodded and crowded the doorway with me, all of them on edge. I silently commanded my body to look relaxed despite the tension I felt. I wouldn't allow myself to jump the second the door opened. I'd take in the situation and react accordingly.
It felt like an eternity. We strained our ears, but only a barely audible muffle could be heard from inside the room.
Until I heard Killian let out a small yelp.
The door yanked open and Killian basically fell on me. I caught him, nearly losing my balance until the other hurried to catch me. I barely even noticed.
All I could see was the blood on his lip. Siggy had hurt him. It was me Constance was after, but it was Killian that got hurt for it.
Anger, black and ugly, roared up in me and drowned out any rational ideas I'd had of handling this situation. I made sure Killian was steady before handing him off to Leo.
"Siggy," I said, surprised at the calm tone of my voice. "I am a rational man. Really, I am a very rational man. But I have limits."
I acted.
My arm swung around and cracked down dangerously close to Siggy's neck, hitting him so hard I knew it would bruise him. The neck. It was so vulnerable, so terrifyingly vulnerable. Siggy tried to stumble away, but I grabbed the front of his vest. He'd hurt Killian, and he wasn't getting away with that. He'd learn to never do it again. I yanked him forward with force, digging my elbow into his gut as he stumbled at me.
I grabbed the back of his neck, my fingers digging into his skin in a tight hold. Hold his attention. Force him to listen. Let him know this was important.
"You lay a hand on anyone who runs with me again, and I will hospitalize you." My words reached my ears, shocking me out of my blank rage.
I released his neck and walked away, terrified and ashamed of myself. I can't believe I let the others see me like that. I can't believe I let Killian see me like that. I can't believe I hurt Siggy like that.
Someday I'd break free of Aaron's influence. But today was a horrifyingly dark step back, and I just hoped Killian wasn't too disgusted by it.
